


Controlled Chaos

by Jenny Lynne (jenny_lynne)



Category: Actor RPF, Arrow (TV 2012) RPF, Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Bands, Hate to Love, M/M, Mentions of Jared Padalecki/Danneel Harris, Mentions of Mark Sheppard/Ruth Connell, Mentions of Stephen Amell/OFCs, Mentions of Tom Welling/OFCs, Musicians, Pining, Roadies, Secrets, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8981275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenny_lynne/pseuds/Jenny%20Lynne
Summary: Gone Heathen has been living up to their name.  They're practically the Lindsay Lohans of the rock world. Everyone thinks they're headed for a catastrophe of epic proportions. Jensen's not planning on being around when that happens. He's just a temp roadie until they find a replacement guitar tech. Just for a few weeks and then back to his regular life. Life has a way of ignoring what Jensen thinks he wants.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thegreatwall0fsam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatwall0fsam/gifts).



> Special thanks to my faithful beta: candygramme
> 
> greatwall0fsam had rockstar/groupie/roadie, addiction tropes which end with a hopeful ending (not necessarily happy, hate at first sight which ends in happy ending, fake relationships, and heated issues that may be dark and horrible but are dealt with positively -- maybe one or two might be a little different twist than expected -- anyway, I hope she enjoys it.
> 
> It's been a long time since I've started writing something new and finished it. 
> 
> I will admit to being inspired by the Showtime series "Roadies" which is nothing like what I wrote in the end. (Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing) :P
> 
> Also, this was my first attempt to write in present tense, something I find extremely difficult to do. I apologize for any strange tense switching.

Barely controlled chaos.

That’s what every tour looks like to Jensen Ackles.

He grew up in the show business life. His mother had been a backup singer floating from tour to tour. His uncle and his older brother have been in a few bands, some which have garnered attention as opening acts for better known bands. His father is an actor. Not the Hollywood kind, but the traveling around the country to do six shows in five days a week kind.

So Jensen spent his entire childhood on the road nine months of the year. He didn’t even know there was another way to live until he was fourteen. While his mother toured with a band in South America, he stayed with his grandparents in Texas. Then, he just stayed until he went away to college.

Of course, when you grow up in the life, it’s hard to escape. Especially when friends and family keep dragging you back in – albeit kicking and screaming. All through college he worked the summers as a roadie on various tours and many school nights and weekends were spent doing lighting and sound for bands in dives, bars, and university concert halls up and down the West Coast.

After college, he got pretty steady work recording backup vocals and instruments for a variety of musicians and composers. He swore he'd never go on the road again.

As someone possibly famous once said, never say never.


	2. one

“Jensen Ackles?” A tiny dark-haired woman beelines for him through the barely controlled chaos. The headset and the clipboard clutched in her pale hand may be just as permanent as her lip piercing.

Nodding, Jensen drops his duffel to his feet as he watches the band crew and the local hires swarm through the tunnels of the New Orleans Superdome like a colony of ants.

“Thank. God.” She presses a button on her headset. “Ackles is in the building.”

He quirks an eyebrow at her.  “You know I’m just a guitar tech, right?”

Her dark glossy lips curl into a wicked smirk. “Oh, hun, that might be your official title but right now you’re the fuckin’ savior.”

He shakes his head. “I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I’m just-“

“No. No mistake.” She puts her hand to the button again. “On our way.” She hefts his oversized duffle over her shoulder like it weighs nothing. “Come on. The Queen's waiting.”

Jensen reaches for his bag but she's already on the move. He follows her through the maze of people and half unpacked gear. She stops next to a woman about his height with a shock of bottle orange hair scolding a short Asian kid who doesn’t look old enough to drive.

“I mean it, Oz. No more ad-libbing. Stick to the script. Surprises lead to flambeed guitarists.”

“No one got hurt,” the kid mumbles.

“This time. But we're one disaster away from unemployment. Do you want to the one responsible for no more tour?” She looks like a cross between a 30-something rocker and a dock-worker and sounds every bit like a school marm.

He shakes his head, shaggy black hair falling in his face.

“Great. Thank you, Oz.” She waves her fingers in the direction of the stage. Clearly dismissed, the kid disappears into the arena.

"Alaina, Jensen." The dark-haired woman introduces. Jensen realises she never told him her own name.

"Alaina Huffman," she says.

"Good to meet you." Jensen shakes her hand.

Her grip is firm, strong. She's probably just as capable as anyone on her crew, knows every piece of equipment down to each bolt and every crew member by name as well as their strengths and weaknesses. All good tour managers do. Those that don't have even better assistants.

"Julian speaks highly of you."

Jensen feels the blush heat his cheeks. He scratches the back of his neck as an excuse to duck his head. "Well, Uncle Julian has always been kind to me. He used to hide me from my mother when my brother got me in trouble. I kind of owe him."

She chuckles. "Did he explain the situation?"

"Yeah- uh-" He glances at the dark-haired woman still holding his duffle bag hostage. "I'm not - I mean, you know I'm only here until you find someone permanent, right?"

Alaina bites the side of her bottom lip and then smiles. It's the kind of smile his sister wears when she's trying to look innocent and is the furthest from it.  "Of course."

Claxons clang through his head.

"So, Rachel will get you settled on the tech bus. We already had your bunk cleaned for you. I'm afraid your predecessor was...a slob. Once you've deposited your things, she can take you around to meet and greet anyone you absolutely need to know today. If there's something you need, Rachel will have someone get it for you."

Rachel - the dark-haired woman - nods.

"The band doesn't usually come out for sound checks, but considering the situation, it being your first day and all, I'm sending Tahmoh over to the hotel to drag Jared's ass down here. Can't be sure he'll be any help, at least it'll be something."

"Yeah, okay," he scratches his temple. He's definitely got about a thousand questions. Not to mention, his reservations about joining the tour are pinging loudly.

\---

Rumors in this industry travel faster than the speed of light and since Gone Heathen hit the studio for their second album, none of them have been good. The album took twice the amount of scheduled studio time and they went through three producers before the thing was finished. Rumors of personality conflicts during the recording sessions abounded.

Despite that, all the songs are brilliant and certainly more mature than those on the first album. Darker too. All penned by their lead singer and guitarist, Jared Padalecki. Critics praise the album though and the label has marketed the hell out of it.

However, Jensen in particular had been more that a little disgruntled by the band's lack of respect for schedules. His studio time for some tracks for a soon-to-be-released movie had been bumped multiple times because Gone Heathen was encamped in the space.

Despite agreeing to do this as a favor for Julian Riching, a long-time friend of the family and the band's manager, he arrived already hating the band, and rule number one in the roadie's handbook is "Love your band." Rule number two, "If you can't love the band, at least love the music." Jensen isn't interested in doing either.

He is just here until they hire a replacement. Then he is going back to his normal, non-chaotic life.

\---

Jensen stares at the pristine bunk with the mattress still in its plastic wrapping and sheets still in their shopping bags. "You didn't have to go all out, really."

Rachel leans against the kitchenette hugging her clipboard to her chest. "I'm pretty sure they did. It was either fumigate it or burn it all."

Jensen quirks an eyebrow at her.

She shrugs one shoulder. "Whatever they did, I'm sure it was cathartic."

"So, this Murray guy wasn't particularly well-liked, I take it?" He dumps his bag on the bunk and gestures to indicate he's ready to head out.

Shaking her head, Rachel leads the way off the bus. "Not by the crew. The only ones who liked that slacker were Jared and the band."

"So why'd he fire him?" Jensen blinks as he steps back onto the too white concrete and holds up a hand to block the bright summer sun. The buses will be moved before the show, leaving the crew trapped in the Superdome until the concert-goers clear the parking garages and streets afterward. Not that it matters. It will take hours for load-out -- tearing down the lights, stage, and other equipment.

"Jared didn't. Management did."

"Wait a minute." He grabs her arm forcing her to turn and look him in the eye. "I'm replacing some tech Padalecki actually wanted?"

She huffs and yanks her arm away. "Look. Chad was a hanger-on druggie who didn't do his job half the time and was only here because he knew Jared from way back. He never bathed, never cleaned up after himself, mooched off of everyone, harassed every woman on staff and then he got caught stealing from both the tour and other crew members. The sad part is that if he'd asked Jared for money, he'd probably have given it to him. So, yeah, management fired him, and Jared is probably pissed but everyone else is elated. They probably had cake and ice cream after the sucker was escorted out. So it's best just to not mention the asshole's name."

Jensen runs a hand over his mouth as he considered this. He's suddenly glad there are a new mattress and sheets.

Rachel glares at him, as if daring him to say something stupid.

Jensen takes a deep breath. "Okay then." He nods.

She gives him a curt nod before turning and leading him back into the arena.

\---

Turns out that Jensen doesn't need much introducing. The Chasing Lucid Tour happens to employ some of his friends from back in the day. The drum tech Mark Sheppard played in one of his brother's bands. In college, he toured with Felicia Day, the sound tech, and Rob Benedict, one of the other guitar techs -- Gone Heathen has three guitarists, lead, bass, and rhythm.

Felicia is a smart, quirky redhead with a milk and apricot complexion and blue-grey eyes. She's not a classical beauty, rather she's slender and ethereal as if there's a forest elf in her ancestry. Jensen's always liked working with her because she's confident and easy to get along with as long as you don't mess with her equipment.

"Even when that loser bothered to wander in for sound check, half the time he'd screw things up. He had no idea what he was doing. Rob or Rich always had to go behind him to redo his work. Padalecki should bow down and kiss their fucking feet."

Jensen wisely nods. It never leads to anything good to disagree with a redhead in his experience, especially one in control of the sound console.

"But now you're here, sound check'll be smooth as silk." Rob grins as he reaches over to fist bump Jensen. "And we can have some fun too." Rob's short with dark, wavy hair and a baby face beneath an ever present beard. He thinks it makes him look older or at least his own age. He's awkward and tends to say things without thinking first only to trip over himself backpedalling. He's `also one of the more versatile techs Jensen knows.

"You know this is just temporary. Until they find someone permanent, right?" Jensen feels like a broken record.

Mark snorts from behind his coffee. "Right. If the bloody tour doesn't get cancelled first."

With a raised eyebrow Jensen questioningly tilts his head in the Brit's direction.

"Stop starting rumors," Felicia scolds.

"What rumors? Everyone knows the tour is teetering. We're one overdose away from the apocalypse," Mark says. "You think Padalecki doesn't know it? The way The Queen and Riching coddle him like he's Picasso walking around with a knife to his ear? You think that treatment doesn't make him feel more overwhelmed?"

"Overwhelmed?" Rich, the bass tech, says. "How can you tell? He's been drunk or high this entire tour." Rich is about Rob's height with sandy blonde hair and a chubby face. From what Jensen can tell he somehow balances Rob's awkward anxiety with overzealous sugar-filled bravado.

"They all have," Rob adds.

That's no secret. Gone Heathen has been living up to their name. Starting sometime in the latter half of their first tour, they began showing up in the tabloids and have pretty much stayed there. They're practically the Lindsay Lohans of the rock world.

Jensen isn't going to let it bother him. He's just here for a few weeks and then back to his regular life. Or so he keeps telling himself.

\---

Jensen has seen pictures of course. Who hasn't? But those things are airbrushed before they are released for public consumption. No one is _that_ gorgeous in real life. Certainly not without the help of a stylist and a makeup artist, and absolutely not when he's been unceremoniously dragged out of bed after a night of hard partying.

Apparently no one except Jared Padalecki.

Even miserably hunched over a styrofoam cup of coffee, squashed into stadium seating too small for his extra-large frame, with a _Sons of Anarchy_ baseball cap shoved over his shoulder-length blue-tipped chestnut locks and aviators covering his eyes, he still manages to look drop dead gorgeous. He is wearing ripped jeans, the kind that get that comfortable, well-worn, broken-in look that only comes from years of wear and tear.

Jensen immediately hates him just a little bit more. Only he doesn't really and that kind of pisses him off too.

"Jared- Jay baby," Alaina says in her school marm tone to catch his attention. "This is Jensen Ackles. He's the new guitar tech Julian sent."

Wincing, Jared puts one large hand on the side of his head, still gripping the coffee in the other. "Why can't one of the R's handle it?"

Alaina rolls her eyes for Jensen's benefit and lets out a long-suffering sigh. She kneels in front of the musician and using a soft, almost motherly tone, she says, "We've been over this. Rob and Rich are Tom and Stephen's techs. Now, I _know_ you're the smart one so don't play dumb with me. You know how sound checks work. Either you have to be here to do your own tech for every single one or you have to have your own tech so Fe can make you sound awesome, right?"

Frowning, he nods. "Fine."

"Work with Jensen today so maybe you don't have to go to the sound check in Atlanta, okay?"

He nods and takes a sip of his coffee.

"Great, I'll just let you boys get acquainted." She brushes her hand over the rock star's shoulder as she walks away.

"Hey, how ya doing?" Jensen greets, holding out his hand.

Jared stares at the offered hand and then up at his face from behind those aviators for a full sixty seconds. "Ackles, huh? You related to Josh?"

Jensen drops his hand and nods. "Yeah, he's my brother. You know him?"

"The Perils of Perseus opened for us a few cities last tour."

Jensen nods. That's right. It was early in the first tour. Josh had commented that it was obvious they hadn't toured together. "And?"

Jared shrugs. "And that was Josh. Let's see what you can do." He gestures toward the stage where the crew is finishing the set up.

Jensen bites back a snarky retort.

Jared Padalecki is looking less and less attractive by the minute. Every time he opens his mouth.

\---

One thing Jensen reluctantly has to admit is Padalecki has excellent taste in instruments. He certainly spared no expense. Jensen doubts the Eric Johnson Signature Fender Strat has been chosen at random or simply because the 1957-style electric guitar with it's turquoise vintage tint looks good. No, it's a piece of art to be worshiped and revered. Jensen wants to put it on an altar and make sacrifices to the rock gods.

Instead he behaves as professionally as possible, treating each tuning tweak as a lover's caress. He goes to work with his Planet Waves S.O.S. strobe tuner, which is only slightly bigger than a guitar pick. He likes it because it's portable as well as accurate and just a little showy with its light on the vibrating string as he tunes each one.

As he works he has the distinct feeling of being watched but whenever he looks up, he can't determine who it is. It might be anyone in the arena really. Even Padalecki. Though it's impossible to tell with those aviators he's wearing. Besides, the way he's slouched down in the seat, he's probably dozing.

Eventually, Rich interrupts his tuning with a few sour notes from the bass. He laughs when Jensen startles. Rich tells him to get a room.

Jensen makes a face and plays a few answering chords to show he isn't amused.

"May I?"

How Jensen misses all 6'4" of Jared Padalecki approach on the stage, he doesn't know but the man is suddenly standing right beside him. He's holding a hand out for the guitar. The hat is gone, making it even easier to see why Jensen's little sister gushes on and on about the guy's silky hair.

"Sure, it's your guitar." Jensen hands the strat to him and offers a black nylon pick, but Jared just shakes his head.

"Thanks." Jared pulls a bone pick from his pocket.

Every guitarist has a preference. Some have even been known to use pennies. It's not just the feel of the pick in your hand, but what it ads to the sound. Jensen uses a plastic pick when he's not performing or recording. He prefers various different wood picks depending on the style and tone of the song.

Jared's big hands look at home as they settle into familiar positions. He strums a few random notes and nods at Jensen, looking pleased. Then his long fingers dance over the strings delivering bar after bar of "Master of Puppets" at a speed that would make many a guitarist's fingers bleed.

Jensen does not want to be impressed. That song is considered one of the top ten hardest for guitar players and Jared is playing it as if it is "Mary Had a Little Lamb." _Bastard_.

A third of the way through, Jared abruptly stops. "Sounds good." He hands the guitar back to Jensen. "Lilith is temperamental. Watch the G. She likes to snap during shows if she's wound too tight. Keep Mina tuned and ready to go just in case. One of the R's'll show ya." He turns toward Rich. "Right? You'll show him?"

"Yeah, got you covered," Rich says.

Jared nods and startles as his phone beeps from his back pocket. "I gotta go, but good deal, Ackles." He points toward Jensen as he walks off the stage fishing his phone out of his pocket as he goes.

Jensen glances at Rob and mouths "Lilith?"

"Mother-fucker!" Jared swears at his phone as he bounds down the steps two at a time.

"That guitar. Lilith is his favorite," Rob answers.

Sure. Some guitarists do that. Name their guitars. Look at B.B. King and Lucille. "And the backup's Mina? Like Mina Harkness?"

Rich nods.

"Okay," Jensen says. Lilith and Mina. How very goth -- but it fits for a songwriter whose hits include "Desecrating the Temple", "Blasphemique", "Full Moon Frenzy", and "Absolve My Rapture.".


	3. two

Someone softly strums a Dylan song in the back of the bus, occasionally stopping and starting to adjust the tempo.

Oz, or Osric, the kid Alaina was scolding when Jensen arrived, is the tour's polytech engineer. The pockets of his cargo pants are packed with gerbs and flash paper. He also doesn't like being called kid so Jensen decides to do it often. Currently sitting on a bench along the passenger wall across from Jensen, he's mesmerised by his own methodical flipping open a silver My Little Pony lighter, spinning the sparkwheel with the tip of his thumb, and watching the resulting spark create a long flame before flipping the lid shut and starting the process over. 

Jensen's a little mesmerised too. Felicia's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade as she lets Jensen massage her feet. 

The concert ended five hours ago and everyone boarded the buses an hour ago. Most people are already passed out in their bunks, but Jensen is wound up. He'd forgotten what it's like being in the thick of the controlled chaos of a live show. All the excitement, the moments of panic when something goes wrong, because no show ever goes as planned. The thrill of pulling off the impossible with the audience never knowing it all had been about to go to shit, even better when the band never finds out.

After the show, while the band gets to kick back and party, their job ramps right on up again. All the work they do in the hours prior to the show, building everything up from scratch, now has to be torn down and put away exactly perfect, compressing the stage and all the equipment into tiny boxes and a truck or two so they can haul it to the next city and start again.

It's hard work and it isn't glamorous, but it makes you feel as if you're a part of something bigger than yourself.

"So, why didn't we stay overnight and leave in the morning? We're not gonna have access to the arena in Atlanta until tomorrow anyway," Jensen says.

Felicia rolls her eyes. "Cuz The Queen didn't want The Three Stooges loose in The Quarter all night. It's hard enough when it's just regular club hopping. Imagine the damage they'd do on Bourbon Street."

"So the rumors are true then?"

"What rumors?" Mark snatches the lighter out of Oz's hand as he plops onto the couch next to him.

"You know the out-of-control partying-"

Felicia snorts. "Oh, yeah. They're worse than preacher's kids away for college for the first time."

"Rachel and Alaina try to keep them on some sort of leash by insisting they at least get their recreational perks from someone trustworthy in the tour," Mark says.

"And we're all supposed to report when we help them out so Alaina can keep track of who's doing what and how much," Oz adds. 

"Tommy mixed and matched a little incorrectly the same day the boys were supposed to be doing a meet and greet with some political schmuck," Mark adds. "Fortunately, my Ruthie managed to get him on his feet and mostly sobered up in time."

"She's a miracle worker," Felicia agrees.

"She's the nurse?" Jensen asks.

Mark nods with a grin. "You met her?" Mark and Ruth both work in the biz and when Mark was playing with Josh, she'd been touring with Taylor Swift to support him. So Jensen never had the chance to meet her.

"Kind of. In passing." 

 

_ Jensen had gone to get the set list from Jared in the dressing room before the show.  _

_ Ruth, a tiny, fiery redhead, and Katie, the tour's bad-ass head of security were struggling with the drummer, Mike "Rosey" Rosenbaum. His dark brown hair was sticking up all over Albert Einstein style, and he was laughing maniacally as Ruth tried to stick two fingers in his mouth. _

_ Tommy was sitting on a beat up sofa, offering advice to the two women, while Stephen, the Bassist, was holding an ice pack to his shaved head and telling everyone to "just shut the fuck up for five minutes!" With one look, Jensen had both of them pegged. Tommy with his too blue eyes, full mouth, and shoulder-length thick black hair knew he was hot and wore it like a crown of entitlement. Stephen was a sheep willing to follow anyone to a party. _

_ A well-proportioned blonde in denim coveralls and a Black Widow t-shirt ignored all of them as she sorted through clothes hanging on rolling garment racks. _

_ Jensen had been just deciding between offering to help and backing out slowly when Jared stepped into the room from what appeared to be the showers. His hair had that towel-dried tousled look. There were no sunglasses now to hide those exotic hazel eyes everyone always gushed over. Even across the room, Jensen could see why. He isn't wearing a shirt so the tribal tattoos that decorated his entire right arm and wrapped around his chest and back were on display in living color -- though the design disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans, to Jensen's disappointment. _

_ Jensen cleared his throat to ground himself. When he looked back up, Jared was studying him with a raised eyebrow. _

_ "I'm here to get the set list, but I can come back later if this is a bad time." He gestured at the craziness with the other band members. _

_ Jared looked at the other band members with a frown. "It's ready now.." He mumbled something else under his breath as he stepped around the others to the dressing table. _

_ Jensen approached slowly like he would a skittish animal.   _

_ Jared pulled a piece of paper out of a notebook and handed it to him.  _

_ "Thanks." _

_ Jared nodded and ran a hand through his hair. _

_ "Well...I guess I better--" Jensen gestured back toward the door. _

_ "Right." He nods again. "Good luck." _

_ "Who me? I'm not the one who has to go out in front of a couple hundred people and be a rockstar, man. You're the one who needs the luck," he said walking backwards to the door. _

_ Jared didn't smile. If anything he looked more tense. "Right." _

 

Somehow though the band had pulled themselves together. Within two hours they looked and sounded sober. Jared in his purple leather pants and tight black t-shirt had looked every inch the rock god last month's  _ Rolling Stones _ magazine had crowned him as he bounced all over the stage singing his heart out, rocking his guitar, interacting with fans and band members alike.

Jensen doesn't know how they do this day after day, city after city. No wonder Mark thinks they're headed for some sort of catastrophe. He just hopes he's back home before it happens.

\---

Jared  actually does show up at the sound check in Atlanta. He even looks more awake and sober than he had in New Orleans, but Jensen doesn't put much stock in it. According to Rachel, Alaina got Jared up early for some local radio show. 

Felicia says the roadies have to take turns dragging the band out of bed and making sure they're presentable for those things, but Jared isn't nearly as bad as the other three. When Jensen asks her to clarify, she just says he'd find out when it is his turn. Jensen is determined not to be around long enough to have a turn.

Life has a way of ignoring what Jensen thinks he wants.


	4. three

In Miami, they get stuck in a holding pattern waiting for a hurricane to make up its mind what direction it is headed.  If it keeps coming toward Florida, they'll just get back on the buses and head north, but if it turns, they'll unload the trailers and have a concert. Alaina and the band's security are working double time to keep everyone in the hotel. The band itself complies only because of the Maybe-Hurricane Party Alaina lets them have in the penthouse suite.

The road crew have their own party on the fourth floor between taking turns helping out with security and fighting an all out Nerf war complete with assault weapons, land mines and a remote control mini-catapult Felicia and Richard have built out of spare parts from the hotel's repair shed.

A temporary truce is called around midnight so Oz, Rob, and Richard can make a raid on the penthouse bar to replenish supplies. Rich reasons the band has much better booze and since they always overstock and are probably plastered anyway, there's no way they're going to miss any of it. Rob points out that they're not only distracted by their entourage but the groupies Rosey and Tommy herded in earlier. Oz comes along in hopes of seeing an orgy. Jensen just wants to see if Drunk Mission Impossible manages to pull things off without being caught or if they end up being part of the penthouse spectacle.

And it is a spectacle. 

Chaos. 

No control involved except the security at the door. Even security is staying out of the fray  Katie seems more interested in sexting her girlfriend Scarlett, the costume and makeup girl. Tahmoh tells Jensen that as long as the band stays in the room and no one gets set on fire or killed, he's good.  

Everyone else is in various stages of wasted. Music blares from the surround sound, and two underwear models -- he supposes that's what they are since that's all they're wearing -- are dirty dancing on the dining table. There are other people dancing too in the middle of the room, some people are making out in corners or on various furniture. He can see a small group in another room playing poker.

In the center of the main room, Rosey, Tommy, and Stephen are holding court. Arms stretched along the back of the brown leather couch, Tommy lounges with a busty blond on either side of him; one has her hand down his open leather pants while the other sucks a hickey onto his neck. In a chair to the right, Stephen has a hand up the very short skirt of a petite pink-haired squirmer who is making far more pleasurable noise than the moment calls for. Opposite Stephen, Rosey leans over the coffee table, covered in bottles, glasses, and drug paraphernalia. He uses a platinum card to form six lines of white powder on the back of a CD case. Jensen doesn't see Jared anywhere.

Jensen acts as look-out while the Drunk Mission Impossible Team make their selections from the makeshift bar.

"Hey, look who it is! Jason!" Rosey grins and wipes at the powder on his nose. "C'm'ere, Jason."

Jensen glances around the room a couple of times before he realizes the drummer is talking to him. With a sigh, he takes a few steps closer to the band. "Actually-"

"Jason? I don't remember any Jason," Stephen frowns at Jensen. "What is it you do?"

"He's the new Murray, dude." Rosey laughs.

"Oh, yeah?" Tommy tears his attention away from the mouth of the blond with her hand in his pants long enough to look Jensen up and down. "You got anything good on you?"

Jensen studies the variety on the table -- uppers and downers, things to make you feel chill, things to make you soar, things to make you see colors or dragons or gods, things to make you feel sexy, things to make you not feel at all… "Seems like you should have something to fit the bill here."

"C'mon, Jason, Murray always had something extra special when he joined the party." Rosey stands and wraps an arm around Jensen's shoulders. 

"Jensen. His name is Jensen." Jared's voice is cold, patronizing, possessive.

Jensen shivers as he yanks away from the drummer and swings around to face the owner of that voice. He's never heard his name possessively growled before. Yet other than the emphasis on his name, Jared's tone is stone cold. 

And, hot damn, Jim Morrison has nothing on Padalecki, standing shirtless in hip-hugging black leather pants and bare feet, hair mussed, tattoos decorating his sculpted body like a modern day Michelangelo come to life, a half-empty bottle of vodka loosely hanging from the fingers of one hand and a cigarette dangling from the other.

Rosey shrugs. "Alright then. Jensen. Whatever, you gonna join the party?"

Jensen shakes his head. "This isn't my scene, thanks."

"I thought he was the new Murray," Stephen laughs.

"I know it's hard, but don't be an asshole," Jared replies. "He's not Chad." He takes a long drink from the bottle. "Go back to your groupies and let Jensen get back to…" He gestures vaguely. "Whatever it is that roadies do."

Rosey scoffs as he sits back down. "Whatever. I just thought he'd like to have some fun with the cool kids."

Jared rolls his eyes and gently shoves Jensen in the direction of the door. As he stumbles toward the door through which Oz and Rob disappeared, he thinks he hears Jared mumble something about none of the cool kids being here.

\---

Around 3am when everyone on the fourth floor is either passed out or otherwise occupied in their rooms, a small group of roadies and hotel staff sprawl around the hotel lobby with the storm raging outside. Ruth is curled up on the couch with her head resting on Mark's shoulder while he taps out a rhythm on a hand drum. Rich, Rob, and Jensen join in with acoustic versions of their chosen guitars. Katie and Scarlett vocalize "I Put a Spell on You". The audience that is still awake is enraptured.

That is until Katie's iPhone starts making the most obnoxious sound Jensen has ever heard. All the other roadies immediately come to wide awake attention. The last time he heard that sound and saw that look on their faces, Jared's stalker Sandy McCoy had gotten backstage in the Spectrum Center in Charlotte, NC.

Checking the phone, Katie frowns. "Fuck. We've got a Crazy Sandy sighting on the 2nd floor and Padalecki's missing." She is already moving toward the stairs. "Battle Stations!"

Rachel has Alaina on her Bluetooth before Katie starts handing out assignments.

"Jensen, Mark, and the R's, report to Tahmoh in the Penthouse," Katie orders. "Fe and Scarlett with me. Oz and JD take the south stairwell-"

That is the last Jensen hears of the search and rescue plans as the elevator doors slide shut. 

"Does this happen often?" Jensen asks as Mark punches in the code to get them access to the Penthouse floor.

"Which part? The stalker hunt or a MIA band member?" Rob asks.

"Either."

"Well, Crazy Sandy shows up every couple of weeks," Rich says.

"But this is only the second time she's found the hotel," Mark adds.

"And Jared going missing?" Jensen asks.

"Oh, well, that happens pretty regularly too, but usually it's the whole band," Mark replies.

"Though it's happened less often since Alaina started insisting someone from the tour keep an eye on them all the time," Rob says.

And isn't that just sad that four grown men need to be watched like naughty children?

The elevator doors open. Dressed in Wonder Woman pajama pants and a classic Rolling Stones concert tee, Alaina gestures wildly at Tahmoh and two of the hotel security guards. Her voice never makes it above a whisper though. The four techs join them. She puts her finger to her lips and gestures to the few guests passed out around the penthouse's main room. She waves them all in close.

"Try not to wake anyone. Last thing we want is any of these hanger-ons tweeting Jay's missing," Alaina whispers. "The rest of the boys are in their own rooms, and not alone." Jensen, Mark and Rob grimace but Rich leers. "Tahmoh and I will do another walk-through of the whole penthouse. Jensen and Rob, take the stairwell." She points to the emergency stairs through the kitchen. "Mark and Rich, you start a floor by floor search -- don't knock on any doors. Yet. You two," she points at the hotel guards. "Stay here in case he happens to come back. Keep an eye out for Crazy Sandy too. Synchronize your smartphones. I want texts every five minutes. Now go."

They break up into their assigned groups. Rob takes the master key from one of the security guys and he and Jensen head for the stairs. The master key will let them back onto the top floor. 

"Ja-mrmph!" Rob's attempt to call out in the stairwell is thwarted by Jensen's hand over his mouth. He promptly licks Jensen's hand.

"Dude!" Jensen snatches his hand away and wipes it on his jeans. "What the hell?"

"That's my question, dude."

"Crazy Sandy could be in the stairwell too," Jensen replies.

Rob's eyes widen. "Oh. Right." He gives Jensen a sheepish look.

"S'alright." Looking up and then down and up again, Jensen says, "Should we start with the roof?"

"The roof? What would he be doing on the roof in a tropical storm?"

Jensen shrugs. "I don't know. Why did Rosey pour 20 boxes of green Jell-o into that pond in Tampa?"

Rob gives him his "whatever" face with a shrug. "Yeah, okay. Roof it is."

They head to the roof and find the door propped open with a pack of cigarettes. Jensen hesitates, hand on the door. He has seen enough movies to imagine if he pushes the door open he'll see Jared standing on the edge of the building in the storm about to make early entry into the Dead Rock Stars Club.

The door does not push open easily. In fact, he has to use both hands and all his strength. Even Rob gives it a good shove as they fight the wind to open it wide enough to see onto the roof.

Jared is not standing on the edge of the roof. 

Jensen lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

Jared is however sitting cross-legged in the middle of the roof with rain pelting him from all sides. Jensen sees Rob open his mouth out of the corner of his eye. He cuts off whatever Rob is going to say with an abrupt shake of his head and a wave of his hand. He signals for Rob to wait there. Rob nods and pulls out his iPhone to text Alaina.

Jensen is soaking wet three steps out of the stairwell. Who knows how long Jared has been sitting out there? It can't be good for his health. He angles his body against the wind as he fights his way to Jared. Once there, Jensen kneels in front of him.

Jared doesn't show any sign that he knows Jensen's there. His eyes are closed; his face turned up into the howling storm. There's an empty bottle of Jack sitting in his lap.

Jensen yells Jared's name, but he can't even hear his own voice over the storm. So he knows Jared can't hear him. Finally he grabs the singer's bare shoulders. Jared is ice cold. When Jensen gently shakes him, Jared turns his face toward him and opens his bloodshot, unfocused eyes. Jensen can see his pupils are constricted. 

Jared smiles, though it's a little lopsided. "Did you come to listen too?" he shouts.

Jensen frowns. "To what?"

Jared raises his arms, hands out. "The Tempest!"

Jensen's frown deepens. He shakes his head. Jared is obviously three sheets to the wind...literally in this case. "No, I came to get you inside."

Jared frowns. "Already?"

Jensen nods. "Why don't you come inside and tell me about the Tempest?" 

Jared's head falls and Jensen feels the man's sigh. Jared nods. He tries to stand with Jensen's help. 

Jensen realizes Jared is still barefoot and shirtless. Jensen grabs the empty bottle but mostly focuses on keeping Jared on his feet as they stumble back to the door where Rob and Tahmoh are waiting.

Jared rambles about how impossible it is to capture the changing tempos, the appassionato, the arioso, the capriccioso, the ever-changing melodies and harmonies of the storm at it's most powerful. At the door to the penthouse, Alaina wraps him in a blanket and shushes him. She hugs him and talks to him softly until he grows quiet.

A second blanket is handed to Jensen.

"I want both of you out of those wet clothes," she directs at Jensen. "Can you get him in a hot shower until he's warmed up?"

Jensen blanches. "Me?" This is definitely not part of his job description. Not that he wouldn't mind seeing a naked Jared Padalecki. Such an image would make a nice deposit in his spank bank, but he is just supposed to be here for a few weeks as a guitar tech, not a...babysitter.

She nods. "I'll get you both some hot chocolate."

"Oh, oh, made from...that stuff...the sweet stuff...in the can?" Jared asks her, laying his head on her shoulder and all the while shivering so badly Jensen can hear his teeth chatter.

"Yes, that stuff." She pats his cheek. "Now go get warmed up and I'll bring you some hot chocolate, okay?"

He nods, but when he turns back to the penthouse he looks perplexed.

Jensen grabs the edge of Jared's blanket and leads him toward his room. The younger man visibly relaxes and pads along willingly, only stumbling a few times.

\---

The storm has passed by sunrise, which means there'll be a concert after all.  By 9am, many a roadie is regretting one or two actions from the revelry the night before; those who feel particularly hungover add "To do: don't drink that much ever again," to their personal bibles.

The story of the Hunt for Crazy Sandy gets wilder with each telling. Jensen highly doubts she'd been caught scaling the inside of the elevator shaft a la  _ Mission Impossible _ , which is the version he hears from Oz over his first cup of morning elixir.

"Jensen? Could you step into my office, please?" Alaina gestures to the bus she technically shares with Katie, Ruth, Rachel, Tahmoh, and Scarlet, though Ruth spends most of her time on their bus with her husband Mark.

Rich, Rob, and Oz make childish remarks about being in trouble as Jensen climbs on the management bus. He nods at the driver on his way to Alaina's mobile office in the rear. Rachel gives him an encouraging smile as he passes her in the lounge area and that alone unnerves him far more than being called into the Tour Manager's office. He plops onto the bench on the passenger wall just as the bus lurches forward. 

Smiling at him, Alaina braces herself in the doorway. "Don't worry, you can see your little playmates at the arena." She sits on the couch opposite him.

"You're really rocking the house-mom thing, aren't you?"

Her lips spread into a sly smile. "Psych 101 - creativity needs to be nurtured. Thus, creative types need to be cared for, looked after, you know, mothered. In my experience musicians and roadies are all just big kids who followed a path to avoid conventional, monotonous day jobs. They still need recess, nap time, and discipline from time to time."

Jensen chuckles. "That's an interesting way to look at the biz."

She shrugs. "It's worked for me so far."

"Really? Even with Gone Heathen?" He can't hide his smirk.

She rolls her eyes. "Did Julian tell you what happened to the last Tour Manager?"

Jensen frowns. He searches his brain for any rumors. Finally he shakes his head.

"Downing is on an extended medical stay for 'extreme exhaustion'." Her manicured fingers emphasize the air quotes. "Has been since the day after the last tour."

"What-" Jensen doesn't even know where to go with all the questions swirling in his head.

"I know, right? You thought what you heard about Mötley Crüe on tour was worrisome."

Jensen shakes his head, trying to clear it. "They don't seem  _ that _ bad."

"Thanks. It's hard work keeping the crazy contained. By this time last tour, Downing was writing manifestos to the label."

"O-kay...but...what does that have to do with me?"

"I'm so glad you asked."

And Jensen suddenly feels like the fly in the spider's trap.

"I had a long talk with Julian this A.M."

_ This _ morning? When did she have time after the ‘Hunt for Jared and Adventures in Crazy Stalkers’? She looks perfectly put together, while he feels like a band bus rolled over him.

"I told him all about how you lured Jared down off the roof last night."

"Oh, that?" He waves a dismissive hand. "Anyone would have done that."

"Anyone would have tried, but he came much more easily for you than he would have for Rob or Tahmoh."

He shrugs. "I don't know anything about that."

She toys with the cushion on the couch. "In fact, you handled him well once you got him in his room too."

Jensen blushes. 

_ Flashes of helping Jared out of his heavy, soaked pants. Struggling to keep Jared awake.Getting Jared into the hot shower. Having to strip down to his own undershirt and boxers so he could climb in to hold up the tanned, tattooed sex god until he warmed up. It had been a hardship. Really. Jared weighs a ton, and the drugs and alcohol were finally taking their toll. Plus, Jensen wanted to lick every tattooed line, every runaway droplet of water, every sculpted muscle. It was hard to stick to appropriate touching. _

_ Instead, he'd dressed Jared enough to be "decent" and stumbled him to the bed. _

"Don't be embarrassed. I know you don't like the band, and I heard about the incident with Rosey last night. So, I have to say it takes a real special person to treat a big hot mess like Jared with the kind of care you did last night."

He shrugs, "Yelling at him in that state wouldn't have accomplished anything."

She nods. "I know. The problem is that yelling at him when he's pretty much sober doesn't seem to either."

Jensen doesn't see how that is his problem.

Alaina licks her lips. "Jensen, the thing is, Julian and I…" She leans forward and lowers her voice. "Can you keep a secret?"

Jensen fidgets. He has a feeling he is not going to like whatever is going to come out of her mouth. "You know I'm only here temporarily, right?"

She huffs a laugh. "You keep saying that, but I want you to stay on indefinitely."

Jensen violently shakes his head. "No. Uh-uh. No way."

"Oh, come on, it hasn't been  _ that _ bad, has it? I mean, the crew  _ loves _ you."

Jensen just keeps shaking his head.

"Jared likes you too."

Jensen squints at her. "So?"

She bites her bottom lip and looks thoughtful. "So, Jared needs a friend that isn't in the band."

"What about his girlfriend?"

"Danni?" She waves her hand dismissively. "She only flies out occasionally and it's been getting less and less often. She doesn't really like the rest of the band and her presence tends to start fights. As much as I'd like to see Jared spend less time with the rest of the band, I don't think someone ending up with assault charges is the way to go."

"What do you mean you'd like Jared to spend less time with the band?" Jensen eyes her.

"Oh, nothing." She waves her hand dismissively.

"No. It's not nothing or you wouldn't have says it."

She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Okay, fine. I just think the rest of the band is a bad influence on him and that he'd sober up if he wasn't around them as much. I know the drugs are messing with his creative process and he hates it but-" She shrugs. "I just think if he had a real friend, he could get back on track."

"A real friend...I thought the band was close."

She shakes her head. "Nope. You heard of Mark Pellegrino?"

"Sure." Jensen nods. 

Pellegrino is one of the best talent scouts in the biz. Usually if he gives a band advice and they follow it, they'll succeed. The problem is he only takes into account talent, skill, and sound when he offers advice. Talented artists don't always have personalities that mesh.

"Rosey, Tommy, and Stephen were in a different band with a different lead singer and a lead guitarist. Mark saw them at some dive bar and told them he could sign them on a label if they replaced their singer and their lead guitarist. They barely knew Jared  five minutes before Mark sold them a whole song and dance, got them a couple of gigs and a demo tape. Next thing they knew, they had an album and on tour."

Jensen knows a lot of the PR for bands is "enhanced" but none of that is in any article or bio for the band. "Huh."

She sighs. "Look, Jensen, every roadie ends up doing babysitting duty for a band member at some point. I'm just asking you to be Jared's most of the time and maybe nudge him away from trouble -- like ending up on the hotel roof in the middle of a tropical storm."

Jensen doesn't like the idea of having to babysit anyone. He especially doesn't like the idea of pretending to be someone's friend. Especially when he kind of likes the person. It feels wrong. Like it's going to bite him in the ass somehow. Now, if Jared would bite him in the-- 

"Can I think about it?" 

She nods. "Sure. Take your time." She shrugs. "Talk to your playmates if you have to."


	5. four

Jensen enters Jared's suite with the key Katie gave him. Jared has a radio interview in an hour. He needs to be, at minimum, functioning well enough to sound coherent. According to Oz and Felicia who went clubbing after last night's concert, the band shut down the VIP room of one of the more rowdy clubs in town. He doesn't even want to consider what it takes to do that.

Jensen pulls the curtains open with a cheerful "Rise and shine!"

Sprawled across the still made king-sized bed in just a pair of black jeans, acres of smooth, tanned skin on display, one arm dangling off the edge --  _ Goddamn, doesn't he ever wear a shirt? _ \-- Jared doesn't move a muscle in response.

Jensen grabs his leg and shakes. "Hey! You alive?"

Jared mumbles something into the pillow. Could be"Fuck off" or "Five more minutes." It's really hard to tell. 

Jensen shakes his head. "Nope, come on. Get up. Phone interview in 30."

Jared squints at him through bed-mussed hair. "Dude...be. Quieter." His voice is hoarse. 

Jensen recognizes the pained expression. Either an imaginary drill is making a hole in his head or Jared wishes a real one would. 

"Fine," Jensen says in a much softer voice. "I'll get something for that head." Jensen heads into the bathroom to find the bottle of painkillers. "You get up and shower -- cuz, Dude, seriously -- and I'll have room service bring up caffeine and breakfast." He returns and hands Jared a bottle of water and three little white pills.

"Not hungry," Jared swallows the pills with the water. Then he manages to roll himself off the bed and into a semi-erect position. 

"Just some toast and oatmeal." Jensen helps him balance for the countless seconds of room spinning. Yeah, Jensen has lived this experience plenty of times.

Jared shakes his head as he pulls the first t-shirt and pair of jeans he comes to out of his suitcase, which, for both a rockstar and someone who lives on the road, is unnaturally orderly. Like OCD orderly. Practical but unnatural. At least in Jensen's opinion. 

"Just coffee."

"Okay," Jensen mollifies. He pulls the cheat sheet for the radio interview out of his back pocket and flattens it out on the nightstand next to the phone.

As he heads into the bathroom, Jared says, "And the groupies never care about the way I smell."

Jensen raises an eyebrow. 

Obviously, Jared is feeling better than he looks. 

He hears the shower turn on. "I thought you weren't interested in groupies." Jensen thinks Jared's opinion of groupies is hilarious. Especially with the way Jared rants about how gropey they are, pawing him like cats in heat with a catnip-drenched Ken doll. He especially hates the "celeb collectors" as he refers to them -- the girls who are just looking to hook up with famous people. 

"Didn't say I was. Just that they don't care if I've had a shower or not."

Jensen leans in the bathroom doorway, purposely not looking in the direction of the glass-doored shower. "Dude, crazy fans are no excuse for poor hygiene." When he hears Jared snort, he smiles and walks away to check on the room service.

\---

He and Jared came to an understanding within the first few days of his extended duties. Jared isn't stupid. He pretty much knows that Alaina assigned him a babysitter. He even called Jensen out on it the second day Jensen showed up to haul his ass out of bed after pretty much shadowing Jared the day before. 

After that, there had been no pretense between them and they fell into a routine. Jensen doesn't pretend to be anything other than Jared's guitar tech and "personal assistant"-- they both agree that's better than "babysitter." Jensen doesn't do much more than make sure Jared makes it to all his appointments and that he at least makes it home safe when he goes out with the rest of the band. In exchange, Jared promised not to ditch him the way he's ditched most of his babysitters.

The thing is Jensen likes the straight and sober Jared. He's all kinds of smart and can carry on an intelligent  conversation about pretty much anything, especially music; it doesn't matter what style or decade or century. He finds positives and negatives in them all. Plus, for the most part, when he's sober, Jared is like just any other guy Jensen might hang out with back home. Well, any straight guy. Jared likes books -- anything nonfiction - and video games - anything multi-player -- and junk food.

Jensen doesn't love drunk or high Jared though. Jared is not a happy drunk. Nor does he take uppers. Maybe he needs something to bring him down after the excitement of being on stage. Jensen can understand that. Out there Jared is someone else, the rock god magazines depict him as -- confident, cocky, energetic, sexy, untouchable and unstoppable. Whatever it is, he never really goes to sleep so much as passes out and the journey from rock god Jared to passed out Jared is moody, unpredictable, and often maudlin.  

\---

Room service arrives before Jared finishes in the bathroom. His t-shirt is almost a size too small and has definitely seen better days if the holes and rips are any indication, but it looks so good stretched across his chest that Jensen doesn't comment. Not even about the slogan: "It's not rocket surgery."

What follows is the daily battle of wills. 

Jared insists he isn't hungry.

Jensen says, "Okay, well at least drink the juice. It has vitamins and it'll boost your blood sugar."

Jared looks skeptical. "Fine. Gimmie." He holds out his hand while he dumps his folded dirty clothes into the second, smaller suitcase. When that suitcase is full, someone will arrange for everything to be washed and put back into the big suitcase. Jensen just hopes no one expects him to do Jared's laundry because that is so not happening.

Jensen starts to hand him the glass but pulls it back. "You know…"

"No. Uh-uh." Jared points at him accusingly. "I'm onto you."

"Onto me?" Jensen widens his eyes, giving Jared his best innocent expression -- the one that never works on his mother, but he can still hope. "Wha-"

Jared shakes his head. "No, first it'll be, 'this juice is too acidic to drink on an empty stomach' and then it'll be 'have a few bites of the toast to absorb some of the acid'. Then you'll try 'well since you had the toast, you might as well have a few bites of the oatmeal." He purses his lips. "No. Just give me the coffee."

"Well, okay, if that's the way you want it."

"Yeah, I do." Jared crosses his arms across his chest.

"Okay, but I think you'll find that this coffee's going to be hard on your stomach after everything you drank last night. I'd hate for you to get sick and have to cancel the show." Jensen hands him the coffee cup.

Jared narrows his eyes at Jensen. "Dude. You are just evil. Give me the damn toast."

Jensen smiles triumphantly. Apparently he did learn a few things from his momma.

\---

Stop-overs are better, in Jensen's opinion. He doesn't know what they do on the band bus, but Jared is always moodier on days he spends cooped up on it. Jensen guesses if he was trapped on a bus all the time with the rest of the band, he'd probably be in a bad mood most of the time too. It makes sense now that he knows the backstory. Jared is the outsider.

Which is probably how he finds himself sitting next to Jared on a rest stop picnic table a couple hundred miles out of Pittsburg, while the all th drivers take smoke and pee breaks, and he says, "We just got NASCAR for XBox on our bus."

"Yeah?" Jared squints at him from behind his aviators. "How is it?"

Jensen shrugs. "It's okay. Felicia has the high score right now, but Oz is determined to take her down."

Jared watches him a few seconds more before turning back to watch the rest of the crew mill around the parking lot like a class on a field trip. "Okay." He picks at the label on the water bottle in his hand without ever looking down. His fingers are always fidgeting unless he has a cigarette or a guitar to keep them occupied and he only seems to smoke when he drinks.

"Yeah, maybe...you want to hang out and try it out on the next leg?" Jensen hasn't felt this awkward about asking anyone somewhere non-date related since he was a kid.

Jared actually looks surprised. "Yeah?"

Jensen shrugs nonchalantly. "Yeah. Come on, it'll be fun."

Jared glances over to the roadie bus Jensen bunks on. It's easy to see the easy camaraderie as his bus mates interact. Jared makes a dissenting sound in his throat and shakes his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"I know how this business works, Jensen. As much as we all say we're one big happy family, there's still an us and them -- whether it's management and the band or the band and the crew or the road crew and the local crew. That bus is roadie sanctuary. I'd just make people uncomfortable."

"Jay- Jared," he corrected. "I don't think anyone's going to be uncomfortable and if they are, it won't be for long."

Jared looks doubtful. 

"C'mon, it's not like you're a dick like the The Stooges. Most of the time."

Jared huffs. "Thanks, I think."

"I just think if you let yourself relax and get to know them, you'll find they put their pants on one leg at a time just like you."

"Who says I put my pants on one leg at a time? Have you been looking?"

Jensen sputtered. "N-No. What?"

Jared laughs and bumps his shoulder against Jensen's. "It's okay. I know my ass is awesome. I'd peek too if I could."

"See that right there is what I'm talking about. Dick." 

Jared laughs harder.

\---

The conversation comes to a halt when Jared steps on the bus behind Jensen. With everyone looking, Jensen suppresses the urge to check if he has bird shit on his shirt or head or something just as embarrassing.

"Uh, you know, Jensen, I'm just gonna-" Jared points over his shoulder back to the parking lot.

"No, wait," Jensen assures. "Hey, guys, I challenged Jared to try to beat Fe's high score on NASCAR, okay?"

There is collective agreement, nods, awkward laughs.

"By all means, if you can take the queen geek down, be my guest," Mark grins.

"Ain't gonna happen, bitches," Felicia replies. "I mean- um-" Her face grows red as she glances nervously at Jared.

"Oh, you don't have to be polite on account of him." Jensen waves dismissively. "I'm sure you've heard worse over on your bus, right?"

Jared blinks in surprise. He still looks like he wants to bolt. "Oh, uh, yeah, Rosey pretty much has tourette's. Doesn't even stop when he's asleep." He relaxes when he hears the answering laughter.

Once the bus gets on the road again and everyone gets past the initial weirdness of mingling with one of the band, everyone pretty much goes back to whatever they were doing. Jared, Jensen, Felicia, and Oz take turns pairing off and playing the winners of each round. Rob and Rich are in the back of the bus playing their own guitars. Mark takes a nap and Ruth gets caught up on some Scottish soap on her laptop.

Jensen has never seen Jared so relaxed while sober. The whole thing makes him wonder about Jared beyond what they all see. Obviously he has issues. He doesn't get wasted partying like the other three. Oh, he's there while they're partying and he gets wasted but he's always separate somehow. While the other band members bask in groupie adoration, Jared has a particular aversion to them. Maybe because he has his very own crazy stalker groupie, but Jensen gets the impression he doesn't like being groped by uninvited strangers. But then who really does?

Yet, when he's sober, around someone he's comfortable with, Jared is very tactile -- freely giving bear hugs to Alaina and Rachel. He even once hugged Tahmoh, but that mainly had been to see Tahmoh's discomfort.

As the afternoon progresses, Jared relaxes his guard more and more. He ends up in a tickle fight with Felicia to regain ownership of the game controller. He may have also ruffled Oz's hair, which may have gained him an enemy for life. The best is when Rich joins them with gummy creatures. Jensen figures Rich made a friend for life when he not only offers some to Jared but tells him where the stash is hidden.

While Rich and Jared are facing off on NASCAR, Felicia drifts over to Ruth. They have a semi-daily ritual of mocking the gossip blogs. 

"Jared, dear?" Ruth says seemingly nonchalantly in her Scottish accent.

"Hmmm?" he replies without taking his eyes off the screen. "Oh, fu-shit!" His car narrowly misses careening into a wall as Rich cackles.

"You're courting that actress, aren't ya? Danneel Harris?" Ruth's obviously trying to sound innocent.

"Uh- what?" With an exasperated sigh, he hands the controller to Jensen, while Rich stands and -- well, he looks like he's doing a cross between The Chicken Dance and The Macarena.

Everyone just rolls their eyes.

"The girl you're seeing is Danneel Harris, yes?" Ruth continues nosily.

"Danni?" Jared gives the women his full attention. "Sure. We plus-one."

"And you're not worried about these rumors in the tabloids?"

Jared smirks. "What rumors?"

"About her and her current leading man," Ruth teases. 

Jared shakes his head, turning to study the game in process "Matt? He's not her type."

"He'd sure be my type," Felicia says. "With those dreamy blue eyes and that smile."

"Don't forget the hair, sweetie," Ruth points out. "So thick and never out of place."

Felicia sighs overdramatically.

Jared chuckles but shakes his head.

"Plus he's spending all that time with her while you're on the road," Ruth says. "I know when Mark and I can't get on the same tour, it's agony, all those lonely nights apart."

"Are you  _ trying _ to make him jealous?" Jensen turns the wheel on the controller to avoid Rich side-swiping him.

Ruth shrugs. "I was just wondering how two of the beautiful people cope with all the time apart."

"The Beautiful People?" Jared repeats slowly.

"Great, like he didn't already have an ego the size of Texas," Jensen complained.

"Hey, don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Jared imitates flipping his long locks over his shoulder and sucks in his cheeks like a runway model.

"What's wrong with your face?" Rich asks.

"What do you mean? That's my Zoolander impression," Jared replies.

"That's not Zoolander. This is Zoolander." Rich proceeds to not only make the face but also do a runway walk.

Everyone the devolves into laughter, trying to see who can do the best Zoolander.

\---

When they arrive at their destination, a Motel 6 for the crew, Jared waits in the parking lot for the car Alaina has arranged to take him to the 4-star hotel the band is staying in. He scrunches up his nose at their accommodations. "Shit, this place sucks ass," he says.

"Probably smells like it too," Rich says.

Rob laughs, patting Jared on the back. "Nothing but the best for the folks behind the stars."

"You know, if you could talk management into getting us free wi-fi, we'd be cool with that," Felicia says as she hauls her overnight bag off the bus.

"Mostly we're just glad to sleep in beds this stop," Jensen adds.

"Seriously, these kinds of places are the worst maintained," Jared mumbles. "I'm gonna talk to Alaina."

Rob laughs again. "Dude, we appreciate the sentiment, but if we stayed anywhere nicer on a regular basis, you couldn't afford to tour and we'd be out of jobs."

"Travel costs for a full road crew ain't cheap," Jensen agrees. "Trust me, I used to help with the books on one of Josh's tours."

Jared frowns.

The  car pulls up. A driver gets out to open the door for Jared. 

Jared tries to open the door before the driver reaches him, but it's a digital lock.

The driver is all professional with "Let me get that, sir," which seems to embarrass Jared  more.

As he is climbing in the back seat, Jared says, "I know it's hard to believe but I used to be able to do things for myself."

Jensen gives him a sympathetic look. "Self-reliance is the price you pay for fame, dude."

Jared smiles gratefully. "Guess so." As the driver starts to close the door, Jared stops him. "Hey, why don't you come out with us tonight?" Jensen's internal grimace must show on his face because Jared immediately backtracks. "Nevermind, forget I said anything."

Jensen steps closer to the car and gestures for the driver to go away. 

Looking disgruntled, the driver makes his way back around the car.   

"Look, Jared, if it were just you or you and some of the crew, I'd jump right on that, but-"

"No, I get it." Jared tries to pull the door closed but Jensen holds tight.

"Dude, it's just the band's idea of partying isn't exactly my scene," Jensen says.

"I said I get it, Jensen."

"Okay." Jensen looks doubtful. "But you know, text me if you decide to stay in and watch a movie or something."

Jared looks surprised. "Yeah? Okay. I'll keep that in mind."

Jensen nods. "Good. See ya."  At Jared's acknowledging nod, he closes the door and steps back so the car can take Jared to his hotel. 

When he turns around, the only person left in the parking lot is Ruth, smoking a quick cigarette before heading inside. She's pretending not to notice him.

Jensen pulls out a pack of Juicy Fruit and holds it out to her. "Mark hates the brand you're smoking."

She  grins mischievously and slides a stick of gum out of the pack while managing to keep her lit cigarette out of the way. "I know. I told him I'd change over to one of those new e-cigarettes if he quit with those nasty cigars that smell like camel dung."

Jensen chuckles. "So the battle of the sexes is on?"

"You're a smart lad, Jensen. That must be why I like you so much."

"Thanks." He slides the pack back in his pocket. "Well, see you inside." 

"It's a good thing you're doing, Jensen. I'm glad you decided to stick around."

He pauses and gives her a confused look. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"That boy is lost. Anyone can see it. And lonely."

Jensen considers sharing his ever-expanding theories on the subject of Jared Padalecki. "So it's not just me?"

She shakes her head. "You know, this is my second tour with this band and except for that awful Murray kid and the girlfriend, he never has visitors like everyone else. He never asks for tickets for family or friends. I mean, you just joined and I heard you on the phone telling someone you couldn't get her tickets for Los Angeles-"

"Are you sure you don't have super hearing, Miss Nosy?" Jensen interrupts.  His half-sister desperately wants to see Gone Heathen and meet Tommy and Jared because they're "so dreamy." He doesn't want her anywhere near the band. Maybe Jared would be okay as long as it's the sober Jared, but the others would corrupt her just by sharing the same air.

She shrugs and uses the opportunity to take a drag off the cigarette. "Point is, he never asks. And if his only old friend is that blowhard Murray, karma has some making up to do."

"The only people who seem to have liked that guy are the Three Stooges. Jared never even talks about him."

She waves him closer. "You know how Jared just got a new cell number?"

"Yeah, some groupie got a hold of his number." He knows. He doesn't think it is supposed to be common knowledge.  The new number is stored under Jesse Katsopolis in case anyone gets a hold of his phone. 

Shaking her head, she lowers her voice even though there's no one around. "I heard the really real reason is because Murray wouldn't stop texting him after he got the axe."

"What? Why?"

She shrugs and looks smug. "Guess he just went all angry ex-employee stalker."

"But Jared didn't have anything to do with him getting fired."

"I know. He stole some of Felicia's personal gear and pawned it. He's lucky she didn't press charges. Or kill him."

"Yeah, she's threatened to chop my fingers off just for touching her stuff before." Jensen wriggles his fingers at the memory. "Well...good talk, Ruth." He pats her on the shoulder. "You're a font of untapped gossip. Remind me to never tell you a secret, okay?"

She just smirks at him before putting the rest of her cigarette out.


	6. five

About two hours after Jensen gets the text that Jared is heading out with the band, he gets a call from Katie. The band has ditched Tahmoh and a stagehand. Gone Heathen has gone rogue.

Jensen immediately texts Jared. With each minute that passes without a response, Jensen grows a just a little madder. _ Fucking asshole _ . Jared  _ promised _ . This is what he gets for trusting someone with a drug problem.

Forty-five minutes later, Jensen's hotel phone rings. The desk patches through a call from a Dave Mustaine. Jensen rolls his eyes -- Dave Mustaine is the original lead guitarist for Metallica. "Hel-" is all he gets out.

_ "Jensen?" _ In the background, loud thumping music drowns out Jared's slurred question. 

"Jared, where the fuck are you?"

_ "I dun - I don't know. The Grime. The Grind. Something with a 'gr'. Look, you hafta know, Tommy dragged me into the cab. I didn't know, I swear." _ He sounds pitiful.

"Okay, okay. I believe you. Let me just-" He begins typing out a text to Katie.

_ "Jense, you hafta come get me. Please? _ "

"I'm texting Katie to send someone."

Jared makes a whining noise.  _ "Rosey's hookin' up with that crazy stalker girl. You come. Please?" _

"Crazy Sandy?"

_ "Yeah." _

"Doesn't he know who she is?"

Jared makes a dismissive sound.

"Okay, look, let me call Katie-"

_ "No,  _ you  _ come. Please? I dun- I think- I don't know. Stuff's askew." _ Only Jared would use askew while plastered.

"Okay. Can you get someone to text me the address?"

_ "Broke my phone. Bummed some change to call." _

Probably the last working payphone in the tri-state area, Jensen thinks. "Okay. Gimmie a sec." Jensen uses the Yellow Pages app on his phone to look up clubs in the area. There is in fact one on the wrong side of town called The Grind. There are none called The Grime. "Okay, got it. I'ma hang up now to call a taxi. Can you keep an eye out for the taxi?"

_ "Yeah…" _

"Alright. Be there in a bit." He's already dialing a cab company on his smartphone.

_ "I'm sorry." _

"Don't be sorry, Jared. This is what I'm here for, right? I got your back."

_ "'kay." _

\---

In the end, Rachel arranges for Jensen to borrow a car from the motel's overnight clerk. Katie is rounding up three or four extra people to corral the rest of the band at the club after Jensen picks up Jared. 

To Jensen's distress, Jared is waiting outside the club at the mouth of an alley. They are so going to have a talk once Jensen gets him sobered up. 

When he stumbles to the car, Jared can't coordinate well enough to work the door handle. It clearly frustrates him. Particularly since he has to again rely on someone else to open the door. Jensen tries to get him into the backseat but he insists on sitting shotgun.

One look in Jared's eyes and Jensen knows Jared isn't on his preferred drug and alcohol cocktail. 

"I'm sorry I made you come out," Jared slurs. He pulls off his beanie and rests his forehead against the cool passenger window glass.

Jensen forces his voice to sound calm. "Don't apologize. I'd rather you call me than get into a situation you can't handle."

"I'm sorry I'm so much trouble."

Jensen glances at him as he drives. "Dude, what did you take tonight?"

"Nothing...just tequila...shots...couple of beers, and Jack and Coke."

"No pills?"

Jared shakes his head minutely and makes a negative sound.

"Smoked anything?"

"Cigarettes."

"Injected?"

Jared makes a whining sound.

"Right, no needles."

"Did you leave your drinks unattended?"

Jared makes an indecisive sound.

"Jared? Did you?"

"Smoked a cigarette at the other club."

"Yeah? And you left your drink unattended?"

"No...Waiter brought a fresh one while I was gone."

"Who was at the table?"

"Everyone." Jared gestures broadly.

Jensen sighs and rolls his eyes.  _ Great. _  As he pulls up to the hotel, Alaina appears at the car door. Rachel takes the borrowed car keys.

"We have got to talk," he whispers to Alaina.

She nods as the two of them get Jared mobile.

Jared is back to apologizing for being so much trouble. He leans heavily on them the whole way up to his room except when he stops to make use of a lobby trash can.

Jensen gets him to rinse the vomit taste out of his mouth and brush his teeth. He sits Jared on the bed and helps him out of his shoes. He hands Jared a glass of water and tells him to lay down and get some sleep. 

As Jensen is about to join Alaina in the living room part of the suite,Jared grabs his wrist, "Stay."

"I just need to go talk to Alaina. I'll be right back to check on you,okay?"

"What if I die while you're gone?"

"You're not going to die in the five minutes I'll be in the other room, Jared."

"I could. I could die and no one would know." He looks seriously worried.

"Okay, tell you what, I'll leave the door open and you'll be able to see me and I'll be able to see you. Is that alright'?"

Jared nods and lets Jensen pull his wrist free.

\---

Jensen stands in the living room area of the suite where he can see Jared through the doorway. He can feel Jared's eyes on him from where Jared lays curled into almost a fetal position on his bed. 

He and Alaina speak in hushed voices.

While Jensen has been settling Jared, Alaina has arranged for Ruth to come to the hotel. She agrees with Jensen's assessment that Jared's behavior is not typical and she's furious that one of the other band members is probably responsible. 

"Jensen, you were supposed to be keeping an eye on him," she scolds.

Jensen sucks in a deep breath. He wants to point out that Jared is a grown man and should be able to take care of himself. Only he's actually coming to realize how far from the truth that is. 

"Look, he and I have a deal. And to be honest, even doped up and drunk, he kept his end of it. He called me as soon as he could after being kidnapped by The Three Stooges."

"He shouldn't have been there to begin with," Alaina replies.

"Again, Alaina, he's an adult. I get that you're rocking the Den Mother thing, but he has a right to self-destruct if he's determined to."

She huffs. "Look, I am trying to help him. If he doesn't shape up by the end of this tour-" She cuts herself off with a shake of the head.

Jensen stares hard at her. "What? What's going to happen at the end of the tour?"

Frowning, she folds her arms across her chest. "I just...I have a friend at the label who says they're probably going to drop the band. This isn't the 80's and this band isn't as popular as they think. Julian thinks we can repackage Jared, either solo or with a new band, but only if we get him in shape."

"Did you tell him this?"

She shakes her head. "It's all still rumor and theory right now. I didn't want to give him an excuse to crawl further into the bottle."

"Maybe if he knew what was at stake-"

"Maybe? I can't work with maybes, Jensen. Look, just do something, okay?" She glares at him. "I'm going downstairs to wait for Rachel and Ruth." 

Jensen watches her leave. He glares at the closed door with growing anger on Jared's behalf.  _ Repackage Jared? _ He's not a product. 

Jensen walks back into the bedroom.

Jared's eyes are closed, but Jensen knows he's awake by the way his fingers are fidgeting as if playing some song only he can hear. 

"Ruth's gonna drop by in a bit," Jensen says in a quiet voice.

"I'm sorry I got you in trouble," Jared replies.

"Stop."

Jared stops fidgeting and tries to focus his eyes on Jensen.

"Don't apologize anymore."

"But-"

"No, Jared," he waves a hand to cut Jared off. "You can't keep doing this. If you keep it up, you're going to kill yourself." He pulls the one chair in the room over to the bedside so he can sit. "Is that what you want?"

"No!" Jared sits up and glares at him. "I- I know what I'm doing. Okay? Just leave me alone."

Jensen shakes his head and leans forward so his elbows rest on his knees. This probably isn't the best time to have this conversation. Who knows how much Jared will remember in the morning? "Do you?"

Jared blinks at him. His eyes are still glazed and a little unfocused. Jensen prefers Jared's hazel eyes when he's sober because they are so unusual, almost ever changing with his moods or the light.

"So, what  _ are _ you doing? You don't even seem to like the other guys. They're clearly just hedonistic assholes who only want to party and get wasted. You're actually kind of reserved in public. So why do you go out with them?"

Jared sighs heavily. Shaking his head, he lays back down and stares at the ceiling. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," Jensen says softly.

Jared snorts. "Right."

"Really."

"Jensen, just go away. Tell Alaina to send a different babysitter." The accusation is thick in his voice.

Jensen feels as if he'd been punched in the chest. His heart racing, he feels sick. He can't deny he's being paid extra to keep an eye on Jared, especially after the scolding Alaina just gave him. Yet, he really does want to know what's going on and how he can help. He actually genuinely cares. He works through his thoughts before he speaks again.

"No."

Jared turns to look at him. The surprise is written all over his face.

"We don't have to talk about it right now, but I'm not going anywhere," Jensen explains.

Jared shakes his head but doesn't answer. Instead he closes his eyes and goes back to playing imaginary music. He's asleep 20 minutes later when Jensen lets Ruth into the room.


	7. six

Jensen is reading a book on Lincoln Jared left in the sitting room when he hears the first sounds that indicate Jared is awake. They are quickly followed by the sound of Jared quickly stumbling into the bathroom. Then comes sounds of a wild animal dying. Or perhaps Jared's stomach is rebelling against the drugs and alcohol. Ruth left something to ease the nausea but Jensen thinks Jared has been coddled enough and a vivid reminder of the consequences of his actions might be due.

Jensen closes the book, grabs a cold water bottle out of the fridge, and walks slowly into the bathroom.

Jared hugs the porcelain throne like it's his best friend. Eyes closed, he rests his sweaty forehead against the cool surface on the side.

Jensen opens the bottle and offers it to Jared by taping it against one of his hands.

Jared's eyes open just enough to see what and who. He takes the bottle and holds it to his temple.

"You're supposed to drink it," Jensen says.

Jared winces. "Loud."

Jensen nods. "Drink some. If it stays down, you can have some Tylenol." He doesn't lower his voice at all. "And I'll order up some toast from room service."

Jared glares at him. He takes tiny sips, pausing now and then. 

Jensen thinks he might be trying to decide if his stomach is going to reject it or not. At least, that's what he'd be doing, has done in the past.

With a third of the bottle down, Jared leans his head back against the cool side of the toilet. He sets the bottle on the floor.

Jensen hops up on the counter and opens the book again. He lets about five minutes go by. Then he snaps the book closed.

Jared flinches.

Jensen grabs the bottle of Tylenol, makes sure the pills inside rattle while he opens it. "Hand."

Jared blindly holds his hand in Jensen's direction and Jensen drops three caplets into it. Jared pops them into his mouth and takes a gulp of water from the bottle. 

"Thanks," Jared rasps.

Jensen soaks one of the wash clothes in cold water from the sink, wrings it out, and folds it length-wise a couple of times. "Here."

Again Jared blindly holds out his hand to receive the cool cloth. He puts it against his forehead and sighs with relief.

After a few minutes, Jensen asks, "Do you remember anything from last night?"

Jared takes so long to respond that Jensen thinks he might have gone to sleep, and wouldn't that be uncomfortable and awkward with the promise of extra-sore limbs that might have gone to sleep themselves? 

Finally, Jared whispers, "Do I need to apologize?"

"No. You did that plenty last night. You don't remember?"

"Do...you...have to be...so...loud?"

Acting like he doesn't hear Jared, he asks, "Anything at all?"

Jared makes a whining sound. "It's...fuzzy. And...maybe out of order."

Jensen scratches the stubble on his cheek. "Someone spiked your drink."

Again Jared is quiet for a while. "Is that why I feel shittier than usual?"

Jensen shrugs. "Dunno. Could be. I don't know what your exact MO is on these excursions or even what you're trying to accomplish."

It's said so quiet Jensen almost misses it. "Nothing." It doesn't even sound defensive, which is what Jensen expected.

"Nothing? I don't buy it, Jared." Jensen shakes his head. "The others seem to want to live up to some party rockstar ideal they have, but you apply yourself to getting wasted like it's just another thing to check off your to-do list - get dressed, do interviews, dress for concert, perform, get wasted - check, check, check, check, check."

"Jensen, I don't feel up to a lecture right now."

"Not here to lecture. I just want to understand."

Jared doesn't respond.

"I'm your friend, remember? I'm just trying to understand why you put yourself through this every day. It doesn't appear to be fun for you," Jensen says.

"Being a...I...Just because." Jared sighs heavily. He sits up and leans against the wall, dropping the cool washcloth onto the floor. He runs a hand down his face. "Life isn't all about being fun."

Frowning, Jensen studies him. "I know, but getting wasted is usually about one of two things. Either you're looking for a good time or…" Jensen tilts his head as he considers the stoic expression on Jared's face. "It's about forgetting bad times. That's what you meant, isn't it? Trying to accomplish 'nothing?' You want to  _ feel _ nothing."

"Jensen," Jared pleads. "Just leave it."

Jensen shakes his head. "No." He hops down from the counter and sits next to Jared against the wall, facing him. "I can't do that. You're my friend and I'm worried about you."

Jared makes a dismissive sound. "Alaina pays you to be here. That's not a friend that's a nanny."

Jensen shakes his head again. "Not anymore. This morning I told her the deal is off. I didn't feel comfortable getting paid to do something I'd do for free for a friend."

"You quit?" Jared looks panicked.

"Relax. I'm still your guitar tech. I wouldn't leave you hanging like that even if I hated you."

"But you said-"

"I said. You. Are. My. Friend. I'm here for you, dude. No one is paying me to be here. You got that?" Jensen points at himself and then Jared. "Friends, okay?"

Jared bites his bottom lip. "I don't know. My friendship with the last guitar tech didn't go so well."

Jensen gives him a reassuring smile. "Well, I never met the guy, but from everything I heard, he wasn't really your friend or he'd still be here."

Jared studies Jensen's face intently. Whatever he is looking for, he must find it, because finally he nods. "Okay."

"Okay." Jensen nods and squeezes Jared's shoulder gently. "How do you feel? Think you're ready to try going back to bed?"

Jared furrows his brow. "Wh- what time is it? What about the phone interviews?"

Jensen grimaces. "Yeah, see, apparently the label's PR people are handing all interviews today."

Alarmed, Jared sits straighter. "What? Why? Did I do something last-"

Jensen shakes his head quickly and interrupts. "No! It's not you."

Jared looks skeptical.

Jensen sighs. "Apparently, you lucked out leaving when you did. Before Katie's group arrived to get the Stooges, Stephen got into a fight and then punched the bouncer."

Jared winces.

"The bouncer is a moonlighting cop."

Jared covers his eyes with one hand and shakes his head.

"So...the label's lawyers and PR folks are handling everything today. The only thing you have to worry about is getting over the hangover so you can perform tonight."

"Perform? We're still-? I mean is Stephen...he's not in jail?"

"He was arraigned this morning first thing. He's going to have to come back for the hearing though."

"O...kay." Frowning, Jared looks worried.

"Don't worry about it right now, okay? Don't worry about anything but feeling better."

"Okay. I think I'm going to take a shower then. Will you order toast?" Jared struggles to stand up. 

Jensen helps him up. "Yep and some oatmeal too?"

Jared scrunches his nose. "Why do you ask? You're going to do it anyway."

Jensen  chuckles. "Just trying to give you the opportunity to argue. I know how you like to argue about breakfast."

Jared snorts. "Coffee. Toast and coffee."

Jensen starts backing out of the bathroom as Jared turns the water on. "And oatmeal."

"We'll see."

Jensen turns and pauses in the doorway. "Oh, and we're going to discuss the other thing further later, Okay?" He doesn't wait for an answer.


	8. seven

Jared shows up halfway through the sound check. Felicia immediately grabs his hand and drags him to her mixing console. She hands him an I-Com so he can listen in to the the crew's back-and-forth. All the while she fusses over him, sends one of the local cable monkeys to fetch Jared coffee, and doesn't give Jared a chance to get a word in edgewise.

Jared still looks a little green, which is probably why he is content to sit and listen at first.

"Oy!" Mark yells from the stage. "When you two princesses finish gossiping and braiding each other's hair, the rest of us would like to do some work."

Jared flinches but Felicia just shoots Mark the bird. "Sorry, I didn't mean to distract you," Jared mumbles.

Felicia shrugs. "Eh, don't mind Mark. He's all bark. Besides, he only insults the ones he loves." She smirks.

"Is that like your mom saying if she picks on you, she must like you?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Jared grins at her and slides the headphones on. 

Once she gets her own on, she says into the mic, "All right, bitches, you have our full attention. Make it worth our time."

Mark flips her off before continuing to check the kit's setup.

Jensen has already finished his sound check. So he is assisting Rob and Rich with striking the stage. He keeps glancing over to watch Jared smiling and laughing with Felicia. To his surprise she allows him to make changes on her console. Jensen once almost lost a hand when he just touched it by accident. It's obviously good to be the rockstar.

"Stop looking so  jealous," Rich teases. "She'll get over having a new plaything in a few days."

"I wasn't- I'm not jealous." He shoves Rich. 

"Riiight." Rich laughs as he goes back to work.

He isn't jealous. 

He definitely isn't the kind of jealous Rich is implying. Felicia isn't his type. Even if she acts like one of the boys, she doesn't have any of the boy parts that he particularly likes in a person of interest. And Jared...Jared is straight and has a girlfriend, a famous, gorgeous girlfriend to bookend his famous, gorgeous self. 

Maybe he's a little jealous of how cozy they are, but he really wants the others to be casual with Jared, make him feel welcome, be his friends. Jared needs friends. Ruth is right about that. He needs people who aren't interested in using him. If that means he has to share Jared's time, it's a worthy sacrifice.

Except he is jealous. He is even jealous of the girlfriend he's never met. Where is she anyway? doesn't she care about how unhappy and alone Jared is? He is jealous of the rest of the band who treat Jared like a hanger-on little brother even though he's the real talent, the real thing. They'd be unknowns without Jared's music, without the charisma and magnetism he projects when he's performing. They don't appreciate him. Hell, even Uncle Julian and Alaina are only interested in Jared as a product. They want to put a "New and Improved" sticker on him and make more money.

Jensen's really beginning to understand why Jared is so miserable and he wants to do something to fix it. He really likes Jared and not because anyone paid him to or because Jared is famous or sexy -- though he really liked the sexy bits. He can't lie to himself about the fact that Jared is becoming a regular feature in his fantasy life. However, he can keep that to himself and focus on being the friend Jared needs.

"Hey, Rob, what was that arrangement you and Rich were working on yesterday?" Jared's voice echoes from the speakers.

"What? What arrangement?" Rob sounds flustered; whether it's because Jared interrupted his sound check or because Jared was listening to their playing on the bus, Jensen can't even begin to guess.

"That raunchy rockabilly Beatles mashup?" Jared replies.

"Oh, that, that's not done. I don't even know if-"

"No, it sounded great on the acoustic," Jared says.

Jensen glances at a smug looking Rich.

"Oh. Okay. Thank you," Rob says looking a little shy.

"Why don't you try it plugged in? I think it'll sound really cool."

The rockstar looks sincere.

"Uh- Okay…" Rob whispers something to Rich who grabs Stephen's guitar. "Hey, Jense?" He gestures for Jensen to join them. "You mind?"

Jensen gives Jared a questioning look.

"Go for it, Jensen." Jared replies with a nod.

Jensen joins them on stage with Lillith. Once all three guitars are ready, Rob counts down under his breath. Jensen, Rob and Rich start with "Ain't She Sweet." Mark joins them on the drums about ten bars in. Mark manages to pick up the rhythm and style fairly quickly. They slide into "She Loves You." By the end of the medley/mashup, the four on stage have forgotten to be awkward and are enjoying themselves. Rich, of course, is grandstanding and they're just goofing around. So they are all surprised by the applause from around the arena where the crew and random other folks have stopped to listen.

Jensen glances over to a grinning Jared who is holding two thumbs up. Jensen ducks his head to hide his reaction to the warm fuzzy feeling filling his chest. Jared's approval shouldn't mean that much to him.

\---

That night after the concert, rather than hang out with the rest of the band, some reporters, and whatever groupies slipped backstage, Jared sits on the end of the stage, dangling his feet, and drinking beer while the crew tears everything down. Sometimes he wanders over to random crew, especially the local hires and chats with them while they work. 

Jensen even saw him give one a hug -- he later hears from Oz that the girl is a huge fan who was so flustered at actually meeting Jared that she backed into Oz's case and knocked it over, spilling everything. Jared hugged her so she'd stop crying. Then he had Oz show him where everything belonged and he cleaned up the mess so Oz and the girl wouldn't get behind. 

Oz swears that his case has never been so meticulous. Having seen Jared's luggage, Jensen believes him. 

Jensen makes sure to thank Jared for all his help when they are finally heading for the buses. Jared just shrugs it off and says it was more interesting to watch everything disappear into trunks and cases and into the back of the truck than to answer the same questions over and over with reporters who probably think they're cool because they listen to the Billboard Top 40. 

Jared's a little buzzed, but not as much as he usually is by this time. However, he's in far better shape the rest of the band who are practically falling down as they stumble to the bus.

"What morons," Mark comments as he passes them. "Good night, Padalecki. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

Wearing an odd expression, something between confused and pleased, Jared calls after Mark, "Inconceivable!" 

Jensen chuckles. "I gotta go too, man, but text me if you decide you want to ride on the cool bus for a while, okay?" Jensen says, nudging Jared's shoulder.

"Yeah. I'll do that. Thanks, Jensen," Jared smiles and nudges Jensen back before heading off to his own bus.


	9. eight

Jared starts spending more time with the techs and less time with the band. He still does all the required PR appearances, including those that involve the rest of the band. Once in awhile, he'll end up wasted at some bar with them, but he is definitely using less often, much to Jensen's relief.

One morning on the tech bus, Jared, Jensen, Mark, and Rich are playing poker using gummy bears as counters. Ruth is curled up next to Mark occasionally trying to tell him what to play.

"Is Danneel joining you in New York, Jared?" Ruth asks.

Jensen ignores the sharp pain in his chest at the mention of the actress. 

"Um, yeah. The New York dates were scheduled around the Peabody Awards," Jared replies while studying his cards with a frown. "Danni's up for that sci-fi miniseries she did."

"Oh, right, the matriarch dystopia thing with all the skimpy metal and leather costumes," she replies.

Jensen looks up at Ruth in time to see her cast a smug look his way.

"Yeah and the male sex slaves," Rich adds. "I wouldn't mind a world run by women if I can be one of those."

Ruth makes a disgusted sound.

"You'd probably end up as one of the Eunuchs," Mark replies.

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm an awesome lay!" Rich defends. "Women love me."

"Woah!" Jensen raises his hands to his ears.

"TMI, man!" Jared says at the same time.

"That's an image I do not want stuck in my head," Jensen adds.

Jared snickers causing Ruth to laugh.

Rich looks indignant. "Oh, yeah? Fine, I call." With great flourish He tosses his hand on the table. "Royal Flush, bitches!"

Jared and Mark groan and Jensen swears under his breath as they all toss their worthless cards on the table.

Rich gives his best evil mastermind cackle as he sweeps the gummy bear pot into his pile. Ruth reaches over and grabs one, successfully avoiding his attempted swat.

"So, anyway, we're going to be in New York for four days," Ruth comments. "We should make some plans."

"Not everyone's getting all those days off, love," Mark says. 

They're due to arrive in the city on Thursday morning with a Thursday night concert. The band members are scheduled for separate appearances on Friday. Then Saturday night Gone Heathen is the guest band on SNL, which requires a skeleton crew. Finally, everyone but Jared has Sunday off since he is attending the Peabody Awards with Danneel.  

"I don't wanna just hang around the hotel. I want to do some sight-seeing." Ruth pokes Mark's arm.

"What about you, Jared? You going to get any time off?" Jensen asks.

"Me?" Jared shakes his head. "Between the scheduled stuff and whatever Danni has planned, probably not."

"Oh, well, you haven't seen each other in a while, so I imagine you'll be wanting some alone time," Ruth teases.

Jared looks flustered for a second. "Yeah, I guess...Though every time we're in New York, she drags me to every restaurant and club she's discovered since the last time I was there. I always feel like I need a vacation after."

"Oh, well you can recommend some places to go then," Rich says.

Jared shrugs. "I can try."

Jensen really wants to stop hearing about New York and Danneel Harris. He knows it's irrational to be jealous of this woman he's never met who is dating the man he'd never get to have. It's just that he and Jared are getting along so well and Jared is finally relaxing. Danneel Harris is an unknown variable.

\---

"Okay, sweetheart. Say hi to your mom from me. Love you too," Jensen disconnects the call.

"Girlfriend?"

Jensen spins around. He wasn't aware Jared had finished up with his shower and come out to the suite's living room. He blinks at the way Jared's retro Dr. Pepper t-shirt stretches across his chest. Seriously, someone needs to get him someone some looser clothes. It's just distracting.

"No..." Jensen shakes his head. "Little sister." At Jared's perplexed expression, he adds, "Half-sister. She's twelve."

"I didn't know you had a sister." Jared sits at the small table and begins to spread butter on a slice of toast from the breakfast laid out there.

"Yeah, she's adorable. Probably the only normal one in the family." Jensen begins to fix two cups of coffee.

"Normal?"

"Yeah, she goes to public school. And she's into collecting unicorns and reading sparkly vampire books. You know, normal tween stuff."

Jared smirks. "Sparkly vampires are normal?" He takes a bite of his toast.

Jensen shrugs and sets a cup of coffee in front of Jared before sitting down across from him. "That's what I'm told. In great detail."

"My sister reads Dostoevsky and Hemingway for fun. I don't think there are sparkly anything in their books." Jared takes a sip of his coffee.

Jensen sets his coffee cup on the table with a thunk startling Jared. "You have a sister?"

Jared looks just as surprised by the question as Jensen is by his offhanded confession. He bites his bottom lip and looks like he is carefully considering his answer. "Uh, yeah. It's not something many people know. I don't want her bothered by paparazzi."

"I get it. I won't tell anyone."

Jared looks relieved. "Thanks."

"How old is she?"

"Sixteen. She's in a boarding school in London. She's wicked smart, speaks and reads four languages. She's currently working on Chinese." The dimples are out in full force.

"Wow, your parents must be proud." Jensen regrets it as soon as it's out of his mouth. Jared's bio says he was raised by an aunt. The haunted look on Jared's face hints at a horrible reason why. "I'm sorry," he says quickly. "I didn't-"

"Forget it. S'Okay." Jared waves a dismissive hand. He busied himself with fixing a bowl of oatmeal the way he liked it.

"It's just-"

"Jensen. I don't want to talk about my family anymore."

Jensen nods. "Okay." He starts buttering a slice of toast for himself.

After a few minutes of silence, Jared asks, "So...do you? Have a girlfriend?"

Jensen chokes on his toast and finally manages to swallow. Jared still isn't meeting his eyes, but he looks less pained. "No. No girlfriends. I mean, you know, I'm gay." Pretty much everyone he is friends with knows. He doesn't hide it but he doesn't advertise it either. For some reason it never occurred to him that Jared might not know.

Jared blinks at Jensen. "Oh." From the expression on his face, it's clear that it hasn't even occurred to him.

"That's not a problem, is it?" Jensen feels tense all over.

"No." Jared shakes his head frantically. "I just- I didn't know."

"Well, I guess it just never came up."

"I guess." Jared looks thoughtful as he spoons another bite of oatmeal into his mouth. After he swallows, he says, "So, boyfriend then?"

Jensen blinks. "What?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Jared enunciates each word.

"No." Jensen shakes his head. "Not for a while."

Jared nods thoughtfully. "Did you always know?"

"That I didn't have a boyfriend?" Jensen smirks.

Jared offers him a frustrated glare.

"Oh, you meant, did I always know that I was gay." Jensen laughs. "I don't know. I guess. I mean I know some people say they knew as early as five, but I didn't figure it out until I was 11 or 12 when I started to notice other boys as more than just someone to play with." He shrugs. "It wasn't a big deal though because Josh and I travelled with our parents on various tours. Show biz people are a lot more accepting, I think, but after I went to go live with my grandparents, I had to be more cautious about who I told. Three Rivers, Texas wasn't the best place to be out for a high schooler."

With an understanding expression, Jared nods. "But your family's cool with it?"

"My family's mostly show biz. Even my grandma used to travel with a burlesque show before she met my grandpa."

Jared's eyebrows shoot up. "Wow. There's a weird image."

"What?"

"I just had a flash of a 70  year-old woman with your face doing the fan dance."

"Asshole." Jensen shoves him lightly.

Jared laughs mirthfully. Rubbing the middle of his forehead, he says, "I wish I could wash my mind's eye out with soap."

"I'll wash your mouth out with soap, you jerk." Jensen can't help but laugh. Jared's smile and laughter, when they are genuine, are contagious.

\---

That afternoon, Jared seems distracted. His mood increasingly more maudlin than it has been since he's begun hanging out with the crew rather than dividing his time between drinking in his room and getting high with the band. At one point Felicia even demands to know what Jensen has done to him.

"Nothing!" He pries her amazingly strong fingers off his arm so the blood will start flowing again. "Everything was fine this morning when I got him up for that phone interview."

"Yeah? And they didn't ask him anything that set him off or something?" She glares at him.

Jensen shakes his head. Normally he doesn't stick around for the interviews, but this morning, Jared wanted to ride to the arena together. Jensen thinks Jared hates being chauffeured when he is the only one in the back seat. "No, It was the usual crap they always ask, and he was fine."

"Well, he's not fine now. Fix him," she says.

Jensen frowns at her. "Fix him? What do you expect me to do?"

"Find out what's wrong and make it better." She rolls her eyes.

"Fe, I'm a guitar tech, not a shrink."

"You're supposed to be his BFF."

Jensen opens his mouth to respond but snaps it closed.  _ BFF _ ? 

"I am not…" Jensen says slowly.

She makes a dismissive sound. "Please. Everyone can see it. Y'all are MFEO Besties."

"Oh. My. God." Jensen backs away from her. "How old are you? MacKenzie doesn't even use 'MFEO' and she's twelve."

Felicia smirks at him. "Just fix him, Jensen." 

Jensen glares at her and goes in search of Rob and Rich to work out the placement of the amps for the night's show.

Later he wishes he'd paid more attention to both Felicia and Jared.


	10. nine

Jensen isn't worried when he doesn't see Jared after that night's show.  Alaina wants Jared to meet some label exec's relatives at the after party. When the comms and radios all come alive with chatter two hours into tearing down the deck, that's when Jensen gets worried. Katie calls for extra security in the green room. Alaina calls for Jensen and Ruth. Rachel calls for Felicia. The rest of the channels and crew are a-buzz about a fight. 

Naturally, everyone drops everything to go see.

The fight is over by the time Jensen gets there, though he's able to watch most of it in living color later on Felicia's laptop. Security manages to seize the phone from the groupie and Alaina gets tech savvy Felicia ensure it has been removed. Naturally,Felicia makes a copy. For personal use  only, of course.

Unfortunately, the video doesn't show who starts the fight, only that Jared and Tommy are the first two involved and Rosey and Stephen joined in after. They were all fighting each other so it isn't like The Three Stooges ganged up on Jared like Jensen expects.

And they all look the worse for wear. Jared has a black eye and scraped up knuckles. Tommy has a split lip and a bloody nose. Stephen's shirt is ripped and he has bruises on his cheek, neck and chest. Rosey is holding an ice bag to the back of his head and complaining about his knee.

The groupies are escorted out of the building post haste. 

The band and a small entourage are taken to a hotel in four separate cabs. Since they'd already checked out, it's a different, less expensive hotel. Not Motel 6 but also not their usual 4 or 5 Star fare either. None of them are given suites but they are segregated into four rooms and each assigned a caretaker, all security personnel except Jensen.

Jensen hands Jared an ice pack. 

Jared sits on the edge of the bed furthest from the door and holds the ice pack to his eye. 

"What the fuck, Jared?"

Jared just shrugs.

"No, seriously, what were you thinking?"

Jared raises his chin and says, "I was thinking 'what's the fastest way to shut Tommy up?'"

Jensen feels he should be surprised but he isn't. He often has similar thoughts about Tommy himself. He suspects it's the general consensus whenever Tommy opens his mouth.

Jensen plops on the bed opposite Jared. "And you don't think there was maybe a better way to react?"

Jared glowers at Jensen. "No." 

Jensen raises an eyebrow.

Jared shrugs. "I don't know. It just got out of control so fast."

"I still don't understand how it went from you punching Tommy to an all out melee."

Jared raises his bandaged hand. "I had nothing to do with that."

Jensen gives him a doubtful look. "You started it."

"Tommy started it. I just threw the first punch."

"Tomatoes."

Jared huffs. "Rosey and Stephen-" He makes a frustrated sound. "Okay, I warned him to shut up. More than once. He was being an asshole-" 

Jensen looks at Jared like this isn't news.

"-- A bigger asshole than usual. He was pissed at Stephen for something -- I don't know what -- and he was taking it out on just about everyone but especially these two groupies-"

"You don't even like the groupies," Jensen goads.

"They're still people. They have feelings like everyone else. And some of them are actually fans and not just celeb collectors."

"Okay." Jensen nods with a smirk. Under all the angsty, troubled rockstar-god persona lurks a true Southern boy. Jensen is sure of it. "So you were protecting their honor?"

"I just told him if he can't treat people like people then shut the fuck up. He starts ranting about how we're stars so we can treat people however we want and people will still love us. He says we could piss on the stage and not play a single note and people would still come to see us. He said no one actually cares about the music."

Jensen winces. 

"I told him I care and that's when he started attacking my music."

"Shit." Jensen rubs his forehead, then runs a hand down his face.

"I warned him more than once. When he got right in my face, I punched him."

"And the others?"

"When Tommy went down, Rosey laughed and Tommy says, 'What are you laughing at, you mother-fucking son of a whore?'"

Jensen winces. Everyone knows Rosey thinks his mother is a saint.

"Then Stephen says, 'Burn!' and laughs. So Rosey told him to get his head out of Tommy's ass." Jared runs his bandaged hand through his hair. "It all spiralled out of control from there. The three of them started accusing each other of all sorts of crap. It all happened so fast. I was just trying to stay out of Tommy's reach, but I got caught in the middle of it and, well…" Jared shrugs.

Jensen lets out a frustrated sigh. "This would be funny if it had been just them."

Jared drops the hand with the icepack. At least some of the swelling has come down. Tommy clocked him pretty good. "It would be funny if I was still drunk. How about getting room service up here with some beers?"

Frowning, Jensen shakes his head. "I think being drunk is how you got in this situation."

"Come  on, Jensen. Consider it medicinal. You know, for the pain and suffering."

"Ruth gave you ibuprofen."

"That won't help. All that adrenaline, I'll never get to sleep."

"Why don't you try? I bet you'd be surprised."

"Jensen, please. I just want something cold to help shut down my brain. Is that too much to ask?"

"What about a Sprite instead? Work with me here, Jare-"

Jared stands up and starts pacing. He drops the ice pack on the small table in the corner. "I have had a really bad night. I think I deserve to have a beer. I am an adult, you know. I can decide if I want a beer or not."

"I'm just trying to help." Jensen watches him pace with some apprehension. The sudden change in mood triggers alarm bells ringing in his head.

"Help? Help who? Me? Alaina? Or the label? Who exactly are you helping, Jensen?"

"You. You're my friend-"

"You keep saying that but what does that even mean? Lots of people say they're my friend but they all want something. Alaina tries to mother me but that's just an act to keep me in line for the label. Chad was supposed to be my friend but all he really wanted was access to a lifestyle he thinks I have. He just wanted my money. The guys in the band just want my music, my voice, and I've heard how the roadies talk about the band -- me -- when they think I can't hear. But you, Jensen, you were hired to be my 'babysitter' and as much as you play at being all casual and friendly, my bet is you're ultimately loyal to Alaina and the label, not me." Jared fell back onto the bed as if the rush of words that just spilled from his mouth takes all of his energy with it.

Stunned, Jensen studies Jared while he considered the best approach. He decides truth is the answer. The full truth. And if Jared doesn't like it, then so be it, but he is done with the coddling. It clearly isn't working. And Jared hates it.

Jensen moves slowly as if approaching a cornered animal. He squats in front of Jared and forces Jared to meet his eyes. "Okay. I don't work for the label. I came as a favor to Julian Riching because he's practically family."

Jared snorts derisively to let Jensen know what he thinks about his manager. He starts to turn away but Jensen reaches up with one hand and catches his chin.

"No, listen. I was only supposed to be here a couple of weeks until they found a permanent guitar tech. I've been here five and no one is looking for a replacement anymore. I didn't even like the band before I came." 

Jared stiffens and tries to pull away but Jensen forces him to stay.

"The only thing I get paid to do is tech. I didn't want to be your watchdog in the first place, but then I realized that when you're sober, you're pretty cool. I like spending time with you. No agenda, just hanging out. I'm not interested in your money -- I have a career of my own. I'm not interested in the hedonist lifestyle. I grew up in showbiz. Been there already. However, as your friend, I worry about you. Fe's worried about you. That's what friends do. We care. And because I care, I hate to see you in this self-destructive cycle you're in. You seem miserable and I...wish I could fix it, but I don't know how. The only thing I can do right now is be here when you need it and be honest about what I think when I see you doing something stupid, like I hope you'd do for me."

Jared doesn't reply, but his eyes seem to be searching Jensen's face for something, the hint of a lie maybe.

"I want to prove to you I'm your friend first and employee second, okay?"

Jared nods slowly. 

"I'm going to tell you a rumor I heard and I don't want you to freak out-"

Jared tenses up. "What rumor?"

"See you're already freaking out."

"Because you told me not to. That means you're going to say something freakout worthy."

Jensen rubs one eye and tries not to look frustrated. "Okay. I'm saying don't freak out because initially it sounds bad, but if it's true, I think it could be a good thing for you."

"Okay…" Jared sounds doubtful.

Jensen drops his hand from Jared's face. "So, it's possible that the label might consider the band's misbehavior as a liability. I'm sure Stephen's incident with the cop didn't help...There's a chance the label might dump the band at the end of the tour."

Jared definitely has the look of someone on the verge of a freak out. "But...there's a contract."

Jensen nods. "They can break it if they feel the band's actions are a detriment to their image. It isn't done often but it happens. They'll probably offer a pay-off. The band can always take them to court, but a disgruntled label isn't likely to be in your best interest."

Jared stands and begins pacing again. He runs his hands through his hair. "Oh, my God. What am I going to do?"

Jensen stands up and tries to grab Jared to stop him. "Jared. Jare, look at me."

Jared's eyes are a little wild when he turns to Jensen. "This is my career, Jensen. Fuck! I don't see how this can be a good thing."

"It's okay-"

"How is this okay?"

"Jared!" 

Wide-eyed Jared stops and stares at him.

"First of all, you hate this band. You're miserable."

"Not when I'm on stage."

"So, this would be a temporary setback, but good news is that you could go solo...or start a new band. You know with people you actually like."

Jared sucks in a breath. Jensen can see when understanding hits him.

"Heck, the label might even jump at the chance seeing as you're the front man and the songwriter. Everyone knows you're the real talent in the band."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You just need...to clean up your act a little. Distance yourself from the rest of the band. I bet if you do, they'll see you're serious about the music and not the lifestyle. They'll probably be happy to work with you in exchange for not having to do another payout."

Jared plops down in the room's one chair causing it to wobble. "I think I can do that."

"Yeah?"

"Will you...help me?" He sounds humbled and pained to have to ask.

"You know it." Jensen squeezes his shoulder both to show support and to have that one stolen touch. He doesn't want to examine this new need for contact with Jared, so he ignores it.


	11. ten

Jared never actually falls asleep that night; therefore neither does Jensen. In the morning, he refuses to get on the band bus and by their next destination, some bunk assignments have been changed. Tahmoh is now permanently on the band bus using Jared's bunk, Mark moves to the management bus in Tahmoh's old bunk -- so he and Ruth are officially bunking on the same bus -- and Jared has Mark's bunk.

Felicia expresses her concern to Jensen again that Jared "appears to be in a mood," but Jensen just tells her to give Jared some space to work some personal things out.

At first Jared is careful to try to stay out of the way, but the techs refuse to let him withdraw. Right away he's told he's no longer a guest which means he has to pitch in like everyone else. Jensen thinks it's hilarious how ridiculously happy having to do chores makes Jared. Well, happy until his name comes up for bathroom duty. 

Everyone truly appreciates Jared's presence once they discover how well he makes coffee. Felicia can't figure out what he does differently, but she claims he has the magic touch. Osric just hugs him every morning when the coffee is done brewing. Rich refers to him as "The Chosen One," claiming Jared has been blessed by the coffee gods. Jensen falls just a little bit more.

All in all, things are going much better in Jensen's opinion. Sure, Jared still drinks heavily every night but he's never completely wasted any more. The only problem seems to be he's a restless sleeper and though most everyone has earplugs, Jensen is particularly aware of it because Jared is in the bunk above him. 

\---

The Tuesday before they're due in New York, Jared and Jensen are sitting in the back of the bus with a pair of guitars just playing around with various oldies and challenging each other to play difficult or lesser known songs.

Jared puts a hand over the strings of the guitar to silence it. "Hey, I was thinking when we get to New York, we could check out this old dive bar that used to be an underground club during Prohibition."

"What about Danneel?" Jensen asks without looking up from the fingering he is practicing.

"She's the one who suggested it."

Surprised, Jensen glances up and feels his stomach flip at the hopeful look on Jared's face. Jensen has been trying to ignore the fact that Jared even has a girlfriend, let alone that she'll be front and center for half a week. "I'm sure she meant she wanted to go with you, you know, alone."

Shaking his head, Jared says, "No, she says we should all go. She thought it would be fun."

"Jare, I know I'm just the gay BFF, but even I know that there are things women say but mean the opposite -- like 'don't get me a present', 'I'm not mad', and 'I haven't seen you in ages, but rather than spend time alone, let's hang out with your guitar tech.'"

Jared laughs. "Danni and I aren't like that." 

Jensen quirks an eyebrow to express his doubt.

"No, really. We aren't one of those sappy couples that have to spend hours soulfully staring into each other's eyes and ignoring the world. Besides, I want the two of you to meet." Jared fiddles with the tuning pegs and doesn't meet Jensen's eyes. 

Jensen recognizes the fiddling as Jared's tell for nervousness. It must be important then. "Yeah, okay. I'd like to meet her too." He forces his voice to sound happy. "But I don't want to be a third wheel. Y'all hardly ever see each other; don't you want-"

"Jensen," Jared pleads. "Trust me. Danni and I will have plenty of time together, okay?"

Jensen closes his mouth and nods. "Okay." 

_ So _ not okay.

\--

"Hey, Danneel's assistant is here again." Rich says as he dressed the cables for the bass, or rather taped a bundle of cables to the stage. "I get another shot at her."

Rob rolls his eyes at Jensen before continuing to connect one end of the same cables into a patchbay. 

"I'm sure that'll be the highlight of her day," Jensen says.

"Right?...What was her name again?" Rich pauses and taps his chin, looking thoughtful.

"I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure  _ not  _ remembering a woman's name is considered not hot. At. All." Jensen hands one of the drummer's side monitors to Mark. "Am I right, Fe?"

Felicia's reply comes over their headsets. "Big strike and not like in bowling. Think baseball."

"Lisa? Linda? Lucy?" Rich mutters, looking more constipated than thoughtful.

"Lindsey," Mark says without looking up from what he's doing.

"What?" Rob blinks at Mark.

"Her name. Lindsey." Mark says it as if it is an afterthought, as if he isn't even paying attention.

"Yeah! That's it! Lindsey," Rich grins. "The lovely Lindsey."

"How do  _ you _ remember that?" Rob asks.

"Because." Mark sets his screwdriver down and gives them his full attention. "When she introduced herself, Rob immediately blurted out, 'Like Lohan? Well, not like Lohan because you don't look anything alike. I mean, you're more pretty than her. Gorgeous. You're more gorgeous.'" Mark imitates Rob better than Jensen would have thought. "Followed by stuttering and a 'I'll shut up now.'" He immediately goes back to setting up the kit.

Jensen, Rob, and Rich stare at Mark in various states of surprise. 

Rob sighs with resignation. "Yeah, that sounds like me."

"Hey, don't worry, Rob." Felicia's voice sounds in their ears. "She's probably more likely to remember you than Rich."

Rich favors Rob a mock infuriated look. "Are you trying to steal my girl?"

"Oh, shut up and give me those cables," Rob replies. His beard can't hide the redness of his face.

"Your girl? What sane girl would have you?" Felicia says.

"Honestly? I thought you were dating Rob." Laughing, Jensen runs a cable to Mark's monitor.

"What?!" Rob spins to gape at Jensen. "People don't actually think that, do they?"

"Dude, you're cockblocking me!" Rich declares.

"Me? It's you who's always in my space!" Rob accuses. "Now you're cockblocking me even when I'm not trying to meet someone."

Laughing harder, Jensen shrugs as the two begin a back and forth banter.

As they finish setting up the equipment and getting ready for the sound check, Jared approaches with Danneel and a dark haired woman Jensen assumes is Lindsey. Jensen feels a pang in the middle of his chest at the way Jared holds the beautiful actress' hand, his long tanned fingers entangled with her delicate ones.

Danneel is impeccably dressed even in casual clothes. Her red hair is loose about her shoulders and she is wearing ironed black jeans tucked into red cowboy boots and a matching wrap around top which accentuates her assets. In contrast, her assistant's wearing a Supergirl tee under a blue blazer, faded blue jeans, and red Converse. If Jensen was attracted to women, he'd be drawn to Lindsey like a moth to a flame. He loves anyone who flies their geek flag with pride.

"Hey, guys!" Jared grins at them as they come to the edge of the stage. He turns to the women with him. "You remember Rob and Rich and Mark?"

Danneel smiles at them all with a perfect, white smile. "Sure. Hi."

"Hi," Lindsey smiles politely. She gives them a little wave.

Everyone returns her greeting. Rob and Rich both wave at Lindsey.

"And, y'all remember Danni and her friend Lindsey, right?" Jared asks.

"Of course, I could never forget the lovely Lindsey." Rich winks at her and gives her his best charming smile.

Rob just nods with wide eyes like he's never spoken to a girl before. 

Jensen winces inwardly at how creepy it looks and tries not to laugh when Felicia snorts over the headsets.

Mark rolls his eyes and excuses himself muttering something about morons.

"And this is Jensen. My new guitar tech." Jared pulls Danneel over to where Jensen is standing on the stage.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet the infamous Jensen." Danneel asks holding out her hand. 

"Infamous? No. Just Jensen." Jensen sits on the edge of the stage and hops down so he can shake her hand.

"That's not what I hear," Lindsey says.

Jensen quirks an eyebrow at Lindsey as he offers her his hand.

"Linds-" Jared whines.

Lindsey shakes Jensen's hand. "I mean, from what Jared says you're the best tech he's ever had."

"Though  _ Chad _ is on that list," Danneel says. "And it'd be hard not to out-tech him."

Jared rolls his eyes.

Feeling his cheeks heat, Jensen replies, "Well, thanks, I think."

"Oh! I can't take it," Danneel says, "Come here!"

Jensen is startled when Danneel throws her arms around him and gives him an extra tight hug. 

"Any friend of Jared's is a friend of mine!"

Jensen gapes at her as she let go.

Laughing, Jared says, "Don't mind her. She can be excitable."

Lindsey rolls her eyes. "Yeah, you should see her with caffeine."

Jensen smiles unsure if someone isn't pulling his leg.

"Okay, well, you guys obviously have a lot of work still," Jared gestures to the stage. "And we don't want to be in the way, so I'll just take Danni and Lindsey on a tour and get out of your hair."

"Feel free to be in our hair," Rob quickly assures. "I mean-"

"He means feel free to hang around, enjoy the pre-show show," Rich oozes.

"Yeah, I'm sure you could sit up in the sound box with Fe," Jensen says. "Jared does it all the time and Fe's probably starved for girl talk surrounded by us all the time."

"Girl...talk?" Lindsey repeats.

"Great!" Danneel claps her hands once. "That sounds like a great plan. Maybe we can watch the concert from there?"

Jared shrugs, "We can talk to Felicia."

Danneel offers a blinding smile.

As they walk away, Felicia cuts into Jensen's headset. "So now I have to play hostess?"

Jensen replies, "This is your chance to ask about all that Hollywood gossip you and Ruth devour."

"Ooooo, yeah, okay. You're the best, Jense!" Felicia says.

Jensen runs a hand down his face. God help him. 

The crush he refuses to acknowledge is getting worse. Meeting the girlfriend hasn't helped. It only solidifies his jealousy. Plus, he's pissed she isn't some stuck up plastic celebrity but someone genuinely nice and friendly who he can't help but like.

\---

The next morning, rather than just show up and let himself into Jared's hotel suite, he calls the room with the intention of reminding Jared about his scheduled appearances. Danneel -- "Call me Danni" -- answered the phone and the next thing he knows, they are having brunch on the balcony while Jared takes a shower. Jensen can think of more uncomfortably awkward things he's done but the list isn't particularly long.

She looks like she's been awake for hours even though Jared has just crawled out of bed. Her red hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail that bounces whenever she moves. She is wearing a long turquoise tunic and brown leggings but her manicured feet are bare.

"This is a treat for me," she says as she spread nutella on a chocolate chip scone. "I always get to splurge when I stay with Jared. The rest of the time it's all salads and smoothies and hours at the gym."

Jensen pours coffee from the carafe into a mug. "I guess there are benefits to being on the crew. I don't have to watch my figure."

She smirks at him. "So true...So...I wanted the chance to talk to you while Jared isn't around."

In the middle of taking a sip of caffeinated elixir, Jensen tenses.

"Oh, no, it's nothing bad. I just wanted to thank you."

"I haven't done anything."

Her expression is the same one his momma wears whenever she doesn't believe his innocent act. "Well, you've done something. I can tell. You're a good influence on him."

Jensen shakes his head. "I'm just his friend."

"Obviously a good one. He talks about you all the time."

"He does?" Jensen ignores the way his heart skips a beat at the thought. "I'm sure it's just because we spend so much time together. That's the thing about tours; you're in each other's space 24/7 for weeks and months on end."

"Oh, I've got a good picture of life on tour. I met Jared at the beginning of the first tour, you know." She sips her coffee. "I've seen how being around the rest of the band wears on him. I know that his drinking has gotten worse and...you know, when we met, he never touched drugs…" She looks sad.

"He's cut way back. Drinking, I mean. And I don't think he's used in over a week." Jensen feels the need to defend Jared somehow even though she isn't accusatory.

"I know. He told me. It's because of you."

"Me? Well, I just encouraged him to get straight. Gave him some advice to think about. I doubt I have that much influence over what he does."

She smiles as if she knows something he doesn't. "You do. That's what I'm telling you. Your opinion matters. I just hope you don't take advantage of that, because I don't think he can handle another betrayal."

"Like Chad, you mean?"

She nods."It's hard for him to trust people, Jensen. People he thought loved him have crushed him time and again." She speaks softly as if imparting a secret.

"It might help if I knew exactly what you were talking about," he loudly whispers back.

Shaking her head, she says, "Not my story, not my secrets to tell."

Jensen lets out an exasperated sigh.

She looks sympathetic. "It wouldn't be fair, especially since I expect him to keep my secrets. That's what friends -- what the people who love you do, right?"

Jensen nods absently as he puzzles over her words. He feels there is a hidden message in this conversation, like a riddle.

"Hey! How are my two favorite people this morning?" Jared appears in the bedroom doorway. Fresh from the shower, he is clean shaven and his damp hair is neatly combed into a neat style unlike his usual untamed shaggy mane. He's wearing an untucked loose white button-down with the sleeves rolled up to reveal hints of his  tattooes and skin-tight brown leather pants. Not his usual daywear but clearly dressed for the televised appearance.

"Jared!" Danni grins. "We were just talking about you!"

Jared bends down to kiss her cheek as he slides into a chair between them. "Of course you were. I'm the awesome thing you have in common." He grins revealing those heart-melting dimples Jensen did not dream about kissing. 

"I'm sure we have other more interesting things in common," Jensen retorts as he pours Jared a coffee.

Jared pouts overdramatically.

Jensen catches Danni's quizzical eye as he fixes the coffee the way Jared likes it. "Uh...habit."

She smirks. "Jared, you spoiled brat. Jensen is not your slave. You can fix your own coffee."

"Hey, I make coffee every day on the bus," he defends.

Jensen nods. "It's true. He's the only one allowed to use the coffee maker now. Best coffee ever."

Danni gives Jared an amused look. "My aren't you full of surprises."

Jared just bites into a slice of toast with a pleased smile.

\---

The thing is that Jared isn't any more touchy-feely with Danneel than he is with anyone else if you don't count the obligatory hand holding. They are obviously close because she knows things even superfan Crazy Sandy doesn't know. Once Jensen thinks to look for subtle tells, he begins to notice what is and isn't there. Sure they seem like the perfect couple in public, doing and saying all the things couples do and say in public, but the chemistry doesn't seem to be there. They are simply comfortable around each other and maybe that's what their relationship is all about.

\---

Jensen doubts the band will be welcomed back to SNL any time soon. 

In fact, he's surprised the actresses on the show aren't filing a collective sexual harassment suit against them thanks to Tommy and Stephen. Rosey actually spent most of his time hounding Chris Evans about Captain America to the point that Jensen saw Evans duck into a storage closet to avoid him. 

According to Alaina, the cast was surprised by Jared's professionalism compared to the others, especially considering the band's reputation. Jensen tells Jared this while he is getting ready for Danni's awards ceremony and for some reason, he gives a startled Jared a congratulatory hug. Jared's awkward, hesitant response leaves him still berating himself the next day for not squashing that impulse.

\---

"Oh my God! Jared, according to TMZ, we're your new entourage!" Felicia bounces into the back of the bus and plops down next to Jared on the Driver's side sofa.

"What?" He looks up from a notebook he's been scribbling in for the last hour while Jensen goofs around with the keyboard he found.

"There's a picture of us at Bad Decisions Friday night on their website," Felicia says. 

Jensen, Felicia, Mark, Ruth, and Lindsey had gone with Jared and Danni to that dive bar Danni had suggested. The music was good, the food was heart-clogging, and most importantly the beers and the shots were cheap. They'd all had a good time; some of them perhaps had a better time than others.

"How'd they get that?" Jensen asks. 

"Someone snapped a pic with their phone probably," Jared replies sounding unfazed.

"So? Are we your entourage?" Felicia pokes him.

Jared chuckles. "Entourages are ass kissing hanger-ons with no lives of their own. I'm pretty sure none of those things apply to you." 

"Depends on the ass." She grins at him. 

Jensen coughs in surprise.

Jared laughs. "That so? Whose ass are we talking about here?

She just smirks. "That's for me to know. What about you, Jensen?"

"What about me?" Jensen eyes her warily.

"Whose ass-"

"I plead the fifth, thanks," Jensen says sharply. He can feel the heat rising on his cheeks. Now he has a vivid picture of himself doing exactly that and Jared's perfect ass is definitely involved.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Jensen shakes his head. "No deal. TMI."

She laughs and moves to cuddle next to him.

"Snuggling isn't going to get you anywhere," Jensen states, glancing at Jared who is watching them with a slightly bemused expression that seems to mask something else.

"Awww, I'm bored. I just want to bask in all the musical creativity back here." Felicia snuggles closer.

"Bask?" Jared snorts. "Yeah, okay."

"Don't mind her, she's just looking for a large, man-shaped napping pillow," Jensen says.

"Hey!" she replies defensively. "...Yeah, okay."


	12. eleven

After New York, Jared insists Alaina start booking him into the same motel as the road crew. He tells her to use the money that would have been spent on his more expensive digs to do something nice for the crew like free wi-fi or more per diem. She wasn't particularly happy with this new development but Jared clearly has her number because he promises not to wander off without letting someone know.

By the time Indianapolis comes around, Jensen has resigned himself to being Jared's roommate. It's a hardship. No, it really is. 

Not only does Jared have no sense of personal space but he practically never wears a shirt, putting all those muscles and tattoos on display and tripping all of Jensen's hot buttons. Jensen is taking ice cold showers sometimes twice a day.

But it's worth it to see how carefree Jared is becoming. He's still drinking, though only at night in the room or on the bus. Jensen can tell how much he's had to drink by how restless Jared's sleep is. It isn't just regular tossing and turning either. He's had to wake Jared from some pretty nasty nightmares a couple of times, but when he tries to get Jared to talk about it, Jared just closes down and shuts him out.

In Indianapolis though, Jensen puts his foot down. 

Well, more like he puts his eye in the way of Jared's fist when he tries to wake Jared from whatever terror is gripping him.

"I am  _ so _ sorry, Jense." Jared looks like he feels as bad as Jensen as he hands Jensen an ice pack. "I didn't mean to-"

"I know," Jensen snaps. He sits on the edge of the bed and snatches the ice pack out of Jared's hand. Jared has been saying the same thing over and over since he realized what happened and Jensen isn't mad. Not at him. "Not your fault."

"But it is."

Jensen shakes his head, holding the pack to his throbbing eye. "You weren't even awake."

Jared sighs heavily and sits across from Jensen on the other bed.

Jensen feels a weird sense of deja vu. "You can't blame yourself, Jare. I know better than to touch someone who's having a nightmare." Seeing, Jared's guilt play across his face, Jensen said, "Rather than feel bad about it, maybe we should discuss the root cause,"

Jared shakes his head and stares at the floor. "I...I can't."

"I'm told that talking about it helps. It doesn't have to be me…"

Jared frowns. "I have talked about it. Tried the whole shrink thing. Years ago. Never helped. "

"Years? This has been going on for years?"

Jared nods. "Since…" He squeezed his eyes shut.

"...Since? Since what?"

When he speaks again, Jared's voice was flat, as if he is distancing himself from the words and what they mean. "Since the night my family...my father murdered Mom and Jeff...my brother."

Jensen feels a chill down his spine. He lowers the ice pack as the heavy reality of what Jared described settled in his brain. Only it doesn't really settle. The horror of it races around Jensen's brain like a tornado on a rampage.

"God, I'm sorry, Jare...I didn't know." He speaks softly, but his words seem so inadequate. Patronising even.

Jared shakes his head. "Few people do. It's not exactly something I advertise."

Jensen moves so he was sitting next to Jared, abandoning the icepack on the other bed. He starts to reach out to give Jared a one armed, comforting hug, but hesitates, unsure if it will be welcome. "God, were you- did you- What…" He doesn't even know how to continue this conversation. How do you respond to a reluctant revelation like that? Finally, Jensen wraps his arm around Jared's back and squeezes.

Jared leans into Jensen's warmth. In a much quieter voice, almost a whisper, as if speaking of it any louder might bring him back to that night, Jared reveals a tragic but sadly not unique story. 

_ Jared's father was a bad man. His few memories of the man are all filled with fear, sounds of yelling and crying, and pain. When he was five, his mother took him and his brother Jeff and ran. His sister Megan was born shortly after. They spent the next seven years moving from city to city, state to state. Never in one place too long. Never having more than they could carry when they left. Sometimes they had to leave everything behind. _

_ That all came to an end when Jared was twelve. His father caught up with them.  _

_ Jared and Megan are the lucky ones. So everyone says.  _

_ Jeff forced them to crawl into a hidden storage nook. Told them to be quiet no matter what they heard. What they heard was terrifying. Angry promises, terror-filled pleas, pain-filled screams. Glass shattering. Cracking. Thumping. Silence. Demands for Jared and Megan to come to Daddy. Sirens. And finally a gunshot.  _

_ Murder-suicide was what the papers said. _

_ Jared and Megan went to live with their mother's sister, Sara, and for five years, they were a family. Until Aunt Sara passed away after a year of futile cancer treatments. Jared became Megan's guardian. _

_ None of that has made it into his official PR bio and somehow the label and Riching have managed to keep it from being splashed through the tabloids and gossip mags. _

By the time Jared finishes, he's a mess. The otherwise gorgeous rockstar is not a pretty crier. Snotty, red-faced, wrecked. They are both drained from the experience. Jensen sits with one arm still around Jared, who huddles against him. Jared seems impossibly smaller somehow. Jensen rubs circles in his back to calm him.

\---

Jensen's first thought when he wakes up is "what the fuck did I do last night?" His eye is throbbing and he's sore from being in the same position too long. Someone's curled up next to him, resting their head on his chest.

His confusion dissipates quickly though. He knows before he opens his eyes that the head resting on his chest belongs to Jared. It takes microseconds to shuffle his memories into place.

The whole sordid tale of Jared's troubled childhood comes back with a bang. Jared had been a wreck after telling it. Jensen had settled back on Jared's bed with Jared shaking like a leaf and sniffling like a child. He'd run his fingers gently through Jared's hair -- and yes, it is as soft and silky as it looks. The motion seemed to calm Jared enough that he eventually fell asleep. Jensen hadn't had the heart to move and possibly disturb him.

Jared shifts so he's leaning on his arm looking down at Jensen. His face is full of concern. "You're eye looks terrible."

A laugh bubbles out of Jensen.

Jared's face slowly breaks into a smile. "Seriously, people are gonna think I've been beating you."

"You have!"

"Not on purpose."

"That makes all the difference then." Jensen smirks. He's suddenly aware of their positions. He's had daydreams like this. He licks his lips and hopes his longing doesn't show on his face.

Jared studies him a moment more and then with a heavy sigh, plops back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "What is it about you, Jensen? Why do I keep spilling my secrets to you?" he says softly.

Jensen rolls to his side and props up on one arm, his cheek resting on his fist. Jensen considers Jared's sudden serious mood change. "Maybe you need someone to help share the burden of so many secrets?"

Jared flicks a glance at Jensen. "The only way to truly keep a secret is if you never tell it."

"But then it eats at you until you're a whitewashed, hollow version of yourself filled with nothing but your secrets."

Looking thoughtful, Jared chews absently on his bottom lip. He sighs heavily, and says, "I'm tired."

"Okay." Jensen nods and starts to lay back down, but Jared keeps talking.

"I'm tired of dealing with this band. I'm tired of trying to live up to an image other people have of me."

"Okay. That's-"

"I'm tired of being so afraid of my personal life being other people's entertainment that I hide the worst parts of my past, and I hide Megan away and I never see her. And I miss her."

"Jare," Jensen says with compassion. He places a grounding hand on Jared's shoulder.

"And I'm tired of lying to the important people in my life."

"Lying? What are you lying about?"

Jared rolls onto his side so he's facing Jensen. His expression is one of apprehension as he searches Jensen's face. He takes a deep breath. "Danni for starters."

Jensen looks perplexed, but he feels an seed of hope taking root deep inside. "Danni?"

"She's...I'm...we're not actually....we're just friends." Jared is staring at his own hand rather than look Jensen in the eyes.

"Just...friends?" Jensen schools his face so he doesn't react. He's not surprised really, but the admission makes his insides do the wave. "So you don't-"

Jared shakes his head. "She and Lindsey."

Jensen's jaw drops."Oh, wow." He did not see that coming at all. "So you're her-"

"I'm gay," Jared spits out. Then softer, "I'm gay." Jared looks so unsure of himself.

Speechless, Jensen stares at Jared so long that Jared, frowning, looks up to see his reaction. Jensen desperately wants to say the right thing here and he doubts shouting "Hallelujah!" is the right thing.

"Okay," Jensen says with an encouraging smile. "So, how long have you known?"

Jared smiles. "A few years. I didn't date in school. I was too focused and- So I didn't figure it out until I was doing gigs with my first band. There were always girls hanging around, but they didn't do anything for me."

"And you've never been out? To anyone?"

Jared sucks in a breath. "Meg knows, and Danni of course."

"That's it?"

Jared frowns. "And Chad." Jared's jaw tenses. "I met Chad in a gay bar."

"And he threatened to out you." Jensen says it like it's a revelation not a question.

"Yeah." Jared looks embarrassed.

Jensen palms Jared's cheek and Jared closes his eyes and leans into the touch. "You don't have to worry about me. Your secrets are safe," he whispers.

"I believe you...I don't know why," Jared says softly.

"Cuz I got you."

"Jensen." It's more of a plea than anything else. A question, a request, an invite. 

And Jensen wants to give him whatever he's asking for, whatever Jared needs. Jensen thinks this has been building between them since that first sound check.

Jared tentatively places a hand on Jensen's chest and Jensen can feel the warmth radiating off his large hand through his t-shirt. One hand on his shoulder. Both hands slowly, gently sliding up Jensen's neck, caressing Jensen's stubbled jaw and cheeks. Trembling fingers thread through Jensen's hair until they cradle his head.

Jensen licks his lips. He feels the heat of Jared's intense gaze like a touch. He's burning up with the want he sees. He doesn't want to think anymore, doesn't want to hold back, he just wants. He's not sure who moves first, maybe they both move as one. Then they're lips are touching, pressed together, closed and firm for the barest moment.

Then Jared is opening to Jensen, clash of lips, tongues and teeth. The kiss turns hard and frantic as all the pent-up desire, Jensen's, Jared's, bursts between them, desire so wild it can no longer be caged. Jared pushes Jensen back onto the bed, crawling over him without breaking the kiss.

And it's everything Jensen's been dreaming of, Jared's hard muscles pressed against him, Jared's mouth on his, Jared's hands on his body, Jared, Jared, Jared. Big, beautiful, masculine, full of desire for him. Jensen could get lost in this, the way Jared's kissing him, touching him. And he is touching him. Those big hands are exploring, tentative at first and then with confidence, with need. Jared's fingers slide under his t-shirt and caress Jensen's skin like an disciple at worship. And Jensen wants to possess, be possessed, twisting, sweating, pleasing, reckless. He feels ravenous and needy.

Jared presses open-mouthed kisses to his neck and Jensen tilts his head back to give him better access. His lips are swollen in the best way and Jared is moaning in the back of his throat, or maybe that's him. He can't tell anymore. His own hands are out of his control. Fingers  frantically traveling over Jared's naked skin. Thank God the man never wears a shirt! 

Jensen can't get enough, won't ever be able to, he thinks.

Before he realizes it, Jensen's shirtless and they're skin to skin, touching, rubbing, stroking, and it's almost too much. But they're far from done, Jared's barely begun his explorations and he's clearly on a mission, whispering wanton things to Jensen between kisses and gasps and moans.

Jensen thinks that if it's like this before they even get their pants off, he might not survive. And wouldn't that be a great way to go?

\---

They're late to sound check.

Jensen has almost forgotten about his black eye until Rob asks, "What happened to you?"

Mark takes one look and says, "That'll teach you to you hide Jared's gummy worms."

Frankly, he's glad they're distracted by the black eye enough not to look too closely at how he's carrying himself. He's sore in all the best places and in all the best ways and he feels like he might be walking a little funny. He's certainly not sitting much.

Felicia accuses Jared of being up to something because he can't keep the smile off his face and when she gets the chance to pull Jensen aside, she demands to know what's up with Jared now.

"Would you make up your mind? You're worried when he's unhappy; you're worried when he's happy. Which would you prefer?" Jensen teases.

She looks at him suspiciously. "There is something going on and I'm going to find out what it is." She points at him accusatorily.

Jensen smirks, grabs her, and gives her a loud, wet kiss on the cheek before setting her down. "You. Are adorable." He walks away, leaving her glaring at him.


	13. twelve

The thing is Jensen doesn't expect anything from Jared. He doesn't expect anything to change. Other than some awesome sex when they're alone. He doesn't expect Jared to make promises or be affectionate in front of anyone, especially the press or fans. He certainly doesn't expect Jared to come out for him. 

That's the business. Jensen knows Jared has an image to maintain, a very manly, sexy, hetero image. Women want to fuck him. Men want to be him. 

This isn't a fairy tale and neither of them are Cinderella. No Fairy Godmother is going to to wave her magic wand and bibbity-bobbity-boo everything into a gay happily ever after.

So, as the weeks go by, he's surprised that Jared actually has a plan to be his own Fairy Godmother. Not all of their private time is filled with making out, blowjobs, and fantastically awesome sex. Some of it is spent laying in bed talking. Who knew Jared was a cuddler, by the way? Jensen is always discovering these wonderful things about Jared that he'd never have known if they never had naked time.

So Jensen is one of the few people not surprised when the tour ends and Jared quits Gone Heathen. The label is ecstatic. They offer Jared a new contract which includes them not holding Jared accountable for the breach of contract as well as providing legal support when Gone Heathen tries to sue him because they're unable to record a third album without him and they can't find a replacement. 

Jared signs the new contract with a few special riders. He has a year to put together a new band and record an album, but most of that is put on hold so he can go to rehab and restart therapy with Jensen's support.

Oh, yeah, to Jensen's surprise, Jared and Danneel publicly "break up" or rather their PR people announce they have "amicably split but remain friends." Danneel immediately announces she's engaged to her "long-time friend" and assistant, while Jared simply never denies or lies about who he's with now. There's no big announcement. Jared just slips out of the closet with his fingers entangled with Jensen's wherever they go, and Jensen goes everywhere with Jared.

By the time Jared's new band, Controlled Chaos, hits the radio waves, no one cares. Least not the members of his band - Rob, Rich, Mark, and Jensen, of course. The album "Devil and Sons" is a tribute to classic rock with all new songs penned by Rob, Jensen, and Jared, some co-written, some not. Jensen and Jared are the lead vocalists together and they take turns on guitar and keyboards.  Fierce taskmaster Felicia produced the entire album and they were done ahead of schedule and on budget.

The best part, besides all the fantastic, awesome sex, of course, is touring with Jared and his friends. 


End file.
